


Light My Fire

by Dyal



Category: Bleach
Genre: (because -Ichigo- and -Shinji-), (because ichigo), (because shinji), (hopefully), Bickering, Feelings, Fighting, M/M, Swearing, Teasing, awesome kyouraku shunsui, because he just can't behave, best guy shinji, but also bastard shinji, ichigo doesn't do feelings very well, sassy hirako shinji, soft kurosaki ichigo, supportive hirako shinji
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2019-09-21 05:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17037152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dyal/pseuds/Dyal
Summary: "It's nothing important," Ichigo tries. The unimpressed look he gets in return is not unexpected, but he sighs anyway. "Fine. You’re too damn stubborn. Bastard."Shinji snorts loudly. "Look who's talkin'. Now, come on. Stop stallin' and tell me what's botherin' ya."What's bothering him?Kyouraku Shunsuiis bothering him. And oh god, there's no way he can say that aloud. Literally no way."You know what, it's nothing after all. I just overreacted and everything will be fine. Just fine. On its own."Ichigo might be a late bloomer but better late than never, right?He's not so sure.





	1. set off a dream (in me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I woke up with a thought one day, and then all this happened because of Razia, she's the ~~worst~~ best <3 ~~you know I love you x'D~~  
>  And so many thank you's to the wonderful Chaos_Greymistchild over at the UraIchi-discord channel for beta'ing <3

 

 

By the time Ichigo turns 20 and is legal in the eyes of the law, he's been through two wars, defeated several threats to Soul Society and been to Hell twice. Literally. His life has been several long years of “get stronger or everyone will die” and there's barely been time for anything else since he was 15. So he feels pretty entitled to the minor freak out he has the first time he looks at Kyouraku Shunsui, now Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13, and feels his whole body _tremble_.

 

It hadn't even been anything special, just a normal captain's meeting that Ichigo had to attend because he had been the one to defeat and apprehended a criminal on the loose (again). Kyouraku had looked straight at him with one grey eye, always that hint of shrewd intelligence in its depth, as he thanked him for his assistance and Ichigo had shivered from head to toe.

 

_Holy fuck._

 

Okay, so maybe Ichigo hadn't paid much attention to anything related to romance or any other kind of normal teenage feelings as he fought to save Soul Society from enemy after enemy after enemy, and he had never managed to feel even a hint of interest towards Inoue despite her obvious crush on him. But he liked to think he was aware enough of his own feelings to at least know his interests and preferences. Apparently not.

 

After the meeting, Ichigo had shunpoed the hell out of Seireitei without a word to anyone. There was no way he was gonna have his small existential crisis with people nearby. It was bad enough that he was freaking out about it at all, and he definitely didn't want anyone else to see it.

 

Ichigo has always thought that love is the same in any form - things like gender doesn't matter at all. Nothing about Renji's massive crush on Byakuya, or Ikkaku and Yumichika's very obvious relationship had even been given a second thought over the years. That's just how things were and he accepted them as normal. It was seemingly not quite the same when it came to himself. Ichigo didn't even know what he was panicking about - was it that he might prefer guys? That it was Kyouraku he'd reacted to? Or just the fact that he was feeling anything towards anyone at all?

 

It felt pretty pathetic, honestly, to pace around an empty clearing miles out in Rukongai because of _one look_ from someone he had known for years. What the heck.

 

He tenses when someone's reiatsu appears on the other side of the clearing, then Shinji's distinct hair settles from the wind and he relaxes. Shinji does the same, casually seating himself on the bare ground, leaning up against a tree.

 

"So," Shinji says after a moment of silence. "Want ta talk about whatever happened?"

 

The need to twitch almost hurts when Ichigo forces himself to stillness. There's literally nothing to freak about, Ichigo _knows_ , and he trusts Shinji with his life. This isn’t nearly as serious as basically everything else they've been through together. But the panic is still simmering in his blood and he balks at the thought of actually voicing any of these new thoughts out loud. He's never been a talk-about-your-feelings kinda guy anyway.

 

(More of the ignore-it-until-it-goes-away type.)

 

"Talk about what?" he says instead. Of course there is no point trying to play this game with Shinji, but Ichigo has always been stubborn to a fault and he sees no reason to change that today.

 

Shinji rolls his eyes. "Come on now, Ichigo. No need ta play games with me. We both know it's not normal for ya ta rush out like that. And all the way out here. Took me some time ta find ya, even."

 

"You didn't have to find me," Ichigo says, sulking. But he knows that Shinji honestly cares about him, and Shinji knows that Ichigo knows that, and that’s why they are having this conversation.

 

"It's nothing important," he tries, one last time. The unimpressed look he gets in return is not unexpected, but he sighs anyway. "Fine. You’re too damn stubborn. Bastard."

 

Shinji snorts loudly. "Look who's talkin'. Now, come on. Stop stallin' and tell me what's botherin' ya."

 

What's bothering him? _Kyouraku Shunsui_ is bothering him. And oh god, there's no way he can say that aloud. Literally no way.

 

"You know what, it's nothing after all. I just overreacted and everything will be fine. Just fine. On its own."

 

Ichigo knows he's panicking, Shinji knows he's panicking, and things just went from _strange_ to _serious_. Ichigo can see Shinji's gaze sharpening with focus.

 

"Ichigo."

 

Ichigo feels his heartbeat speed up, and he throws a glance into the forest, just a quick shunpo away and then maybe he could-

 

_"Ichigo."_

 

It's a warning, clear as day, and Ichigo raises both hands reflexively, like he’s warding off an attack. He knows from experience that Shinji is not above tying him up with kidou - several, even - to get answers.

 

"Fine! Fine, we'll talk. I just don't-" Ichigo scrubs both hands over his face in frustration. Shinji watches, silent and patient and deadly calm.

 

"I don't know how to say it," Ichigo finally confesses, shoulders drooping in defeat.

 

That raises a surprised eyebrow as Shinji ponders the statement. Ichigo is a straightforward kid, and doesn't normally have any problems clearly expressing his thoughts and opinions. Too clearly, even, the brat. The only thing that ever seem to make him clam up is - ah. Well, isn't that interesting.

 

"Did ya get yerself tangled up in _emotions_ , Ichigo?" He teases and is rewarded with the beginning of red on pale ears. But Ichigo doesn't bristle and snap back at him like he usually would, so Shinji mentally revises his plan. He doesn't like the defeated slump to Ichigo's shoulders.

 

"It's nothin' ta be ashamed of, Ichigo," he says softly. God knows his brat beats himself up enough over useless things as it is. "It happens ta the best o' us. But keepin' it inside won't do ya any good. Better ta get it off yer chest while ya can."

 

Ichigo glares half-heartedly at him. "Easy for you to say, you're not the one who has to talk," he sulks. But then he sighs again and some tension eases away. "You can't laugh," he says suddenly, quickly, and now he definitely looks more embarrassed than anything else. That suits him much better, in Shinji's opinion.

 

He puts on his best innocent face. "Cross my heart and hope ta die."

 

That earns him a Look and Shinji can't help the grin. Ichigo rolls his eyes so hard it looks like it hurts, and mumbles something about "why do I even bother", but it's apparently enough because he takes a deep, fortifying breath.

 

"I might have, uhm ... discovered, something about myself? That, hmm ..." Ichigo trails off, clearly uncomfortable. Shinji looks at pale cheeks slowly turning rosy and there's a sudden inkling in the back of his mind where this conversation might be headed. But he only raises an eyebrow in silent encouragement.

 

Ichigo clenches and unclenches his hands a few times before continuing. "That I maybe should have realized a few years ago," he forces out in a rush. His cheeks have a bright blush high on both cheekbones now, and Shinji feels several pieces of an almost-forgotten puzzle click into place.

 

"Oh?" It's all he says, but something in his voice must give him away because Ichigo glances up at him, startled, and pales immediately upon seeing Shinji's grin.

 

" _No_ ," Ichigo breathes, and Shinji is barely quick enough to cast a Rikujokoro to stop him before he shunpos away.

 

"Now, now, Ichigo, what kind o' behaviour is this? Trying ta leave in the middle of a conversation?" Shinji drawls, casually strolling closer to the imprisoned substitute shinigami. He leans forward to meet Ichigo's gaze dead on. "And now that we were finally gonna talk ‘bout _boys_."

 

Ichigo's face explodes into colour and Shinji cackles as he retreats to sit back down against the nearest tree, gleefully ignoring Ichigo's half-hearted cries of "I never said anything about that!"

 

With a quick twist of his fingers the bakudou is released and Ichigo falls to his knees before he catches himself. He gives Shinji a look that would've set him on fire if it was possible, but his lovely red cheeks ruins the effect quite a bit and Shinji just grins back.

 

"Come now, Ichigo. We both know I won't leave ya alone til we get ta the bottom of this, so ya might as well come o'er here and finish it now." He pats the ground beside him. Ichigo gives him another blistering glare, but he shuffles over and drops into an ungrateful heap next to him anyway.

 

"I hate you," he mumbles from behind his hands, hiding his red face.

 

"No, ya don't," Shinji replies easily. He raises a knee to rest his hand on and then pokes Ichigo's messy locks with it, until Ichigo smacks it away with a scowl. "Only the last bit left, now. Be a big boy and tell me which man finally opened yer eyes ta the wonders of love."

 

Ichigo sputters for several moments. "I didn't-, there was no-, I never said-" he finally stops to take a breath. "I never said anything about liking guys," he mutters finally.

 

"No, ya didn't," Shinji agrees, "but ya didn't hafta. I've know ya for years, Ichigo, gimme a little credit. Besides, I don't know any straight guy who would've been okay with Rukia sleepin’ in their closet the way ya did. Ya never showed any interest in Orihime-chan despite her massive crush on ya, and ya don't even blink when women like Matsumoto throw themselves at ya. Plus yer not really close ta anyone other than Rukia and Orihime. For anyone who knows ta look, it's been obvious for years that women probably ain't yer cup o' tea."

 

The surprised look on Ichigo's face makes him a little sad. Ichigo is so used to be the one looking after and protecting everyone else that he never expects anyone to look after _him_. It's something Shinji and a few others have been trying to work on, but it's slow going.

 

Ichigo finally gathers himself enough to point out that, "that doesn't mean I would be interested in guys, though." But he doesn't sound defensive about it, just curious. Shinji grins again.

 

"No, it doesn't. But ya have a slew of guys that ya have pulled into yer orbit since ya became a shinigami, and I think that says a lot." At Ichigo's blank look, he rolls his eyes. "Yer so oblivious, I swear- Think about it, would ya? Ya converted that Ishida-kid from shinigami-hatin' quincy ta someone who's been by yer side since ya stepped foot inta Soul Society fer the first time. Ya sparked a rivalry in Abarai so strong that it caused him ta go against his own captain, and now he's one of yer best friends and he's had yer back ever since. Ya turned Byakuya's life, rules and moral code upside down and he's too had yer back ever since. Remember Tsukishima and his ability ta alter memories? And who believed yer word over his own memory? Chad has been followin' ya since high school, no more ta say about that, there's those Madarame and Ayasegawa guys from the 11th that seem like they're more than a little fond of ya and there's also Kenpachi who has a quite unhealthy obsession with ya, honestly, and I've heard rumours about this one espada ya fought twice that-"

 

Ichigo slaps a hand over his mouth. "Fine! Fine. I don't really understand what that has to do with anything, but just stop talking, please."

 

Shinji takes a moment to appreciate the new colour that stains Ichigo's cheeks, and then licks his hand.

 

As Ichigo jerks back with a grimace, Shinji pokes one of the red cheeks. "Ya never answered my question, Ichigo. Who opened yer eyes ta somethin’ that's been ignored fer years? I _know_ ya've never been interested in no one before."

 

"I'm not telling you," Ichigo snaps back, cradling his "dirty" hand in the other. His cheeks are still rosy but there's a glint of satisfaction in the back of his eyes, like he's gonna enjoy keeping Shinji in the dark about this one thing. Too bad Shinji doesn't really need Ichigo to say it out loud.

 

"Considerin' how ya high-tailed it out of the meeting today, I'm assumin’ that's when it happened," he muses. Next to him Ichigo goes completely still. Definitely during the meeting, then. "Hmm. But who did ya interact with? It was fairly short, just ta talk about that stupid criminal ya caught, and Shunsui was the only one who-" Shinji trails off, mouth snapping shut. _No way._

 

But Ichigo's shoulders are raised almost to his ears, which are also turning an alarming shade of red. Shinji takes a moment to digest that. Well then.

 

"Shunsui was the only one who really talked today," he repeats, just to see the way Ichigo can't quite hide a twitch at the name. _We have a winner._

 

"Ya didn't," he says gleefully. Ichigo doesn't look at him, ears burning through his hair. Shinji cackles. "Ya did! Kyouraku Shunsui, current Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13. That's who finally got through ta yer little gay heart. Oh Ichigo, ya never settle fer ordinary, do ya."

 

At this point, Ichigo's shoulders are wound so tight it must be physically painful but he doesn't move. He's still refusing to meet Shinji's gaze too and it's a little worrying. Maybe he pushed a bit too far. He switches gears. 

 

"It's completely fine, ya know," Shinji says quietly; kindly, honestly. "Shunsui is a good man, no matter what anyone says, and I've known 'im longer than most. He's one o' the few people I'd accept fer ya. He'll take care of ya the way ya deserve."

 

Ichigo looks up at that, startled, and his eyes are vulnerable in a way Shinji isn't sure he's ever seen before. Then he somehow wrestles some of his usual mask back and scowls fiercely.

 

"Yeah, okay, while that sure sounds nice and all, it's never gonna happen. I'm sure as hell not gonna do anything, and neither is he. There's no way." Ichigo gets to his feet and glares down at Shinji. "So thanks for this _wonderful talk_ but I've got better things to do." And with that he shunpos away fast enough to make Yoruichi proud.

 

Shinji sits there for a few moments longer, lingering on the memory of rosy cheeks and eyes far too old and far too lonely to belong to a 20-year old.

 

 _I wouldn't bet on it, Ichigo,_ he thinks as he gets to his feet. Shinji will never be able to outsmart actual geniuses like Urahara, but he has a working brain and eyes that see more than people think. He's not the only one.

 

And Ichigo has never been aware of how he appears to other people, the effect his larger-than-life presence has on anyone that comes within reach. He barely realises, even after all these years, the effect he’s had on Soul Society just by being himself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter done!  
> Just in case it needs to be pointed out - canon is whatever I want, Ichigo will act however I want, and basically everything is just whatever I want. ~~yes.~~  
>  (and yes, the chapter name is from "Never Enough" because that song is _amazing_ <3)  
> Hope you enjoyed it and please leave a comment ~ <3


	2. these hands could hold the world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thanks to the wonderful Chaos_Greymistchild for betaing! <3  
> And Razia, for being the ~~worst~~ best enabler x'D <3

 

When Ichigo isn't seen in Soul Society for five days after their talk, Shinji leaves his lieutenant in charge and tracks him down in the real world.

 

"We don't hafta talk about it again if ya really don't want ta," Shinji begins, lounging on Ichigo's windowsill, looking supremely relaxed and unaffected. But his eyes are razor sharp as he meets Ichigo's startled gaze. "Avoidin' me, however, is _not okay._ Remember that."

 

Shinji stands and dusts himself off. "Come back ta Seireitei soon - Abarai and Madarame are spoilin' fer a fight." And he leaves. There's nothing else he needs to say.

 

Ichigo apparently takes his words to heart, because while Shinji doesn't see it himself, the beatdown of Abarai, Madarame, Ayasegawa, _the entire 11th Division_ and even Zaraki himself is on everyone's lips the very next day. Shinji feels pretty damn proud.

 

-xxx -

 

And then life goes back to normal. Ichigo still splits his time between Soul Society and the human world, but he's been spending the majority of it in Seireitei ever since all his human friends started university and he didn't.

 

It had been a messy affair, when he decided to not continue his education after high school. His father, his friends, hell - even most of the shinigami who knew him had tried to convince him it was a bad idea. And he did understand their concerns, he really did. But the truth is that Ichigo doesn't feel quite _human_ anymore. Living in the real world doesn't feel as comfortable, as natural, as it used to. As it should be.

 

Being in his shinigami form feels _right_. He’s stronger like that, strong enough to protect everyone he cares about, strong enough to protect everyone who can't protect themselves. He can move the way he wants, when he wants. He isn’t restricted by a slower, more vulnerable human body.

 

That in particular is difficult when he's back in his own body: how it can't keep up with his instincts.

 

Ichigo is always on the lookout for danger, has been since he got his mother killed when he was nine, and it certainly didn't get better after he became a shinigami and realised exactly how many things there were to worry about. Two wars and _a lot_ of almost-deaths have definitely not helped either.

 

He'd tried to explain all of this once, to his father and closest friends and a few shinigami he trusted. Urahara had been the only one who looked like he could understand, and subsequently the only one who kept quiet.  


 

There had been a lot of talks about PTSD and trauma and seeing a therapist. Ichigo honestly didn't care.

 

Yeah, he probably does have some form of PTSD, however big or small, and he _has_ experienced quite an alarming amount of what could be classified as traumatic events. But it is what it is and Ichigo is satisfied with his life, honestly. If he’s more twitchy, more alert to danger and quicker to react than everyone else, well - he can't remember what it is like being normal anyway.

 

So Ichigo stays in Karakura while everyone else moves away to start university. He has a small apartment close to the clinic, that Urahara helped him get, and he likes it. He likes being able to leave his body in the apartment and shunpo to Tokyo to visit Ishida and Chad and Inoue, because who has the patience for public transportation when he is much faster himself. He likes wandering around in Karakura, invisible to everyone but his family, killing hollows and helping unknowing citizens. He likes spending time in Soul Society; chatting with Shinji, sparring with Renji or Ikkaku, teasing Toushirou, antagonising Byakuya. Occasionally helping them strike down another misguided rebellion or helping them catch escaped criminal number 246.

 

Kyouraku is a much more relaxed Captain-Commander than Yamamoto as well, and he never has a problem with letting Ichigo come and go as he wants. There are never any lectures about Ichigo interfering with Gotei 13-business when he has single handedly defeated yet another outcast out for revenge, and Ichigo doesn't have to sit through any boring captain meetings except the ones that directly involve him.

 

Kyouraku hasn't even tried offering him an official position in any of the divisions, instead trusting Ichigo to let him know if that is ever something he wants. _Hopefully after you've lived more, Ichigo-chan,_ he'd said, smiling.

 

But now Ichigo's normal routine is messed up and it's thrown him surprisingly off balance.

 

So maybe he had been hiding, just a little, in the human world for a bit after his _talk_ with Shinji. It's not like anyone needed him for anything in particular in Soul Society anyway. And it had been nice to ignore everything except the newest book he'd bought at the cosy little book store around the corner from his apartment.

 

But then Shinji had dropped by and honestly been scarier than Ichigo had seen him in a long time, and he realised that pretending the problem didn't exist might be a _little_ childish of him. (Though, he does feel like he is entitled to one or two childish acts occasionally, seeing as he spent his teenage years defending all three worlds against chaos and ruin. Several times.)

 

He isn't a teenager any longer though, so he should keep it to a minimum, and definitely not let it affect others around him. So Ichigo leaves his books behind and returns to Soul Society.

 

And is promptly assaulted by Ikkaku as soon as his feet touch down in Seireitei. Ichigo moves them to one of the 11th's training grounds - because he knows Ikkaku doesn't care about buildings and collateral damage, but that doesn't mean Ichigo won't - and proceeds to beat him into the ground. Then Renji shows up and also wants to "spar" and who is Ichigo to turn that down? Fighting is easy, fighting is natural, fighting doesn't require thinking, and he is _pretty damn good at it_.

 

So Ichigo puts all thoughts and feelings aside for a short while, and lets loose. By the time he has Renji unable to move, Ikkaku has recovered and Yumichika has joined him, and Ichigo challenges them to a two-on-one - eyes shining and grin wide. After the two of them are down, Zaraki shows up and the ensuing fight nearly tears down the whole compound. Then Yumichika, the bastard, orders a free-for-all and Ichigo spends a long time dancing around the entirety of the 11th Division; ducking in and out of view, avoiding dozens of zanpakutos coming at him at the same time, until he's finally the only one standing. His shihakusho is a mess, he's covered in blood, and he's laughing like he hasn't in ages. After a mocking salute to the 200+ shinigami laying around him on all sides, Ichigo is off to find Hanatarou. His friend is far less fussy about treating his injuries than the other healers at the 4th Division, so it's become a habit to seek him out personally.

 

After that, he goes home and sleeps like the dead. The next day is an overdue visit to Shinji.

 

\- xxx -

 

"I heard ya had a lil' sparring session with the 11th yesterday," Shinji says, as soon as Ichigo enters his office. His grin is downright vicious. "I'm a little sad ya didn't invite me too."

 

Ichigo shudders. "Ugh, don't even say that. Your shikai is the _worst_. I had my hands full with Zaraki and the rest of his crazy division, thank you very much. No creepy inverted everything necessary."

 

Shinji cackles. Despite Ichigo's dislike of his zanpakuto's abilities, they've had more than a few training matches over the years, and Shinji can honestly say that Ichigo is the only person he's ever fought who's able to put up a decent fight while affected by his inverted world. Not that Shinji doesn't still crush him, but Ichigo makes him work for it. The brat's fighting instincts are insane.

 

"I stayed here, didn't I? Don't get yer panties in a twist." Ichigo shoots him a flat look at the wording. Shinji just laughs at him.

 

Then, "How are ya doin', Ichigo?" Shinji asks, and watches with hooded eyes as Ichigo freezes, before forcing himself to relax.

 

"Fine." Ichigo doesn't know what else to say. He's spent six days trying to avoid thinking about whatever happened and has only been partly successful. The fighting yesterday got rid of most of the built up tension, but he can still picture that one intense moment where Kyouraku had looked right at him, and it still makes his heart beat faster every time.

 

There's no way he is saying that out loud though. No way in hell.

 

Shinji gives him a clearly sceptical look, but his reply is interrupted when a Hell Butterfly flutters in the window.

 

Ichigo watches as it lands on Shinji's outstretched finger. Everything is silent for a few seconds before Shinji _smiles_ , and Ichigo almost bolts from the room on principle.

 

"A captain’s meetin' has been called," Shinji informs him. His eyes sparkle with glee. "And ya have been requested ta attend."

 

\- xxx -

 

As the only one to regularly attend captain meetings without actually being a captain, Ichigo has no spot where he should stand and usually just hangs out wherever he wants. Sometimes that's as close as possible to the door, so he can leave the minute the meeting is over. Sometimes it's over by the windows, looking out over Seireitei just because he can. Sometimes, it's standing next to Shinji so they can bother each other and act like children throughout the entire meeting.  


 

Today, he ditches Shinji as soon as they get inside the door, scurrying over to stand next to Rose. Shinji raises a single eyebrow as he finds his own place on the other side of the room. Ichigo just glares back, suspicion oozing off him in waves. Yes, he does trust Shinji with his life, but he also _doesn't trust Shinji at all because he is a sly bastard, and Ichigo knows that particular gleam in his eyes means he's planning something_. That normally spells trouble for Ichigo.  


 

His obvious hostility raises a few eyebrows among the other Visoreds, because everyone knows Ichigo is the closest with Shinji, but no one comments on it. Rose only smiles kindly at him and Ichigo relaxes minutely.

 

Then Kyouraku steps forward to start the meeting and Ichigo freezes.

 

_Oh._

 

He does his very best at behaving - no wandering around, no whispered conversations with any of the other captains, he even tries not to slouch as Kyouraku looks over at him to confirm something about ... something. Ichigo isn't actually paying much attention to what's being said, more focused on not looking at Kyouraku, not looking at Shinji, looking like he's _not_ trying to avoid looking at either of them, and acting like normal. And if he shrinks a little more behind Rose every time Kyouraku glances his way, at least the Visored is kind enough to not comment on it.

 

"Aren't ya a lil late ta be actin' like a teenager, Ichigo? Get it tagether."

 

Shinji, though ...

 

Shinji is another matter entirely, and Ichigo shoots him a hateful glare as all attention shifts to him.

 

"That's rich, coming from the absolute _grandpa_ who tried to pass off as a high school student," he shoots back on autopilot, even as he straightens and steps up next to Rose. "What, did you have some school fantasies you needed to act out when you had the chance?"

 

Love snorts loudly a few places down the line, but Shinji looks unaffected. If nothing else, his grin only widens. Ichigo _knew_ he was gonna be an asshole today. Goddammit.

 

"I needed ta get close ta ya in order ta help stop yer hollow from takin' control, remember?"

 

Ichigo sneers at him. "And what a good job you did of that. Thanks for only _almost_ killing me. I appreciate it."

 

"It worked, didn't it?"

 

"Hardly thanks to you." Ichigo isn't really aware of the rest of the captains looking at them. This happens far too frequently between him and Shinji for anyone to care unless they drag it for out too long. "And you could have just introduced yourself through Urahara, like any sane person would do, but I guess you're _too old_ to have any common sense-"

 

"I'd be careful jokin' about age, Ichigo," Shinji cuts him off. "Considerin' recent matters, I'd say it's clear ya don't really mind-"

 

Ichigo's reiatsu knocks all captains back several feet and all present lieutenants to their knees, as it flares out around him in a furious swirl of red and black. His eyes are murderous.

 

"Finish that sentence, Shinji, and I'll _gut you_ ," he growls. Everyone steps back as Ichigo stalks forward, both hands on his swords. Shinji just grins wider, hand already resting on Sakanade's hilt.

 

He never gets there. Halfway across the room, Ichigo is stopped by a warm hand on his neck and a low voice in his ear.

 

"Now now, Ichigo-chan," Kyouraku says amicably. "Let's not destroy my division building, shall we? We haven't even finished the meeting yet."

 

Ichigo draws a complete blank. Anger, tension, conscious thoughts - they vanish instantly as Kyouraku looks down at him, a quirk to his lips and amusement in one grey eye.

 

There's silence for several long moments.

 

"Shinji started it," Ichigo finally mutters, averting his eyes to a point over Kyouraku's shoulder. He just can't look him in the face. He can't.

 

Shinji snorts off to the side. "Real mature, Ichigo."

 

Anger blazes back to life as Ichigo spins on him. _Shinji, the bastard, he'd actually been about to- !_

 

Kyouraku tightens the grip on his neck for a second, freezing Ichigo in his tracks, before he moves his hand to Ichigo's shoulder and leads him away.

 

"Stop antagonising Ichigo, Hirako-taicho, or I'll assign you extra paperwork for the next year," Kyouraku says cheerfully as he steers Ichigo across the room.

 

Shinji shrugs, seemingly not bothered by the threat but still keeping his mouth shut.

 

Byakuya looks supremely unimpressed when Kyouraku pushes a dazed Ichigo into his personal space with a quick "Please make sure he behaves, Kuchiki-taicho". But he doesn't actually protest, and it makes Kyouraku smother a smile as he returns to his place in the middle of the room. Half of Seireitei is aware of Byakuya's huge soft spot for Kurosaki Ichigo, but the noble absolutely refuses to acknowledge it publicly.

 

With Ichigo under watch and Shinji threatened to silence, the rest of the meeting carries on without any disruptions. Several people take notice of Ichigo's slumped shoulders and bowed head, but the moment the meeting is over, he is out the door and nobody is quick enough to stop him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the second chapter out! Hope someone enjoyed it xD   
> Please leave a comment if you liked it, it means a lot <3


	3. can't let this moment end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit later than I'd hoped, but here it is! \o/  
> Many many thanks to the wonderful Chaos_Greymistchild and Razia as usual <3

 

 

Okay, so maybe Ichigo has A Thing for Kyouraku Shunsui. That's okay. He can deal with that. People handle these kind of things all the time, right? It's no problem. All he has to do is carry on like everything is normal until the point where everything _is_ back to normal, and then he can pretend it never happened. Nice and simple.

 

First though, there's a certain captain that needs to be dealt with.

 

–––

 

Shinji caves after just three days, and Ichigo counts that as an overwhelming victory. Quite often, Shinji likes to make a point of how well he knows Ichigo - mostly when making fun of him, the bastard - but he seems to forget that the opposite is true as well. And Ichigo is more than capable of taking advantage of that when the situation calls for it. Shinji really should stop forgetting about it, but this time, Ichigo is quite happy to remind him.

 

He starts by approaching the other Visoreds, who are all very agreeable about lending a hand. They are either happy to help or happy to bother Shinji. Whatever works for them, Ichigo doesn't mind either way.

 

It begins with the gossip. Using the Shinigami Women Association, it's quick work to have a rumour - and even a few articles - circulating about how Hirako-taicho of the 5th Division said something that made Kurosaki Ichigo, hero of Soul Society, so angry he almost attacked him during a captain's meeting. And there is surprisingly little interference necessary to make that Shinji's fault. _Kurosaki Ichigo wouldn't get aggressive towards a captain for no reason, right? It definitely must have been because of something Hirako-taicho did. And to make Kurosaki Ichigo react like that, it must have been pretty bad. How awful. How could Hirako-taicho act like that towards the hero of Soul Society? So disgraceful. He should get himself together._

 

Ichigo knows gossip makes Shinji antsy. All the whispering and sidelong glances feeds into Shinji's ingrained paranoia, grown even worse after getting hollowfied and the whole Aizen-mess in general. Wherever he goes and whatever he does now, someone is watching and talking and it drives him crazy. Safe to say, Shinji is more than a little annoyed by the second day. But it doesn't stop. The nasty letters and blatant disrespect from a lot of younger shinigami are just the icing on the cake. 

 

The last step is the Visoreds doing their passive-aggressive “we are disappointed in you” routine. It normally wouldn’t have had much of an impact on Shinji, but together with the gossip and the stares and every other little thing that’s going on, it definitely adds to the already full cup that is Shinji’s tolerance.

 

Ichigo stays in Soul Society the whole time so Shinji will know he's there - know that he hasn't gone back to the human world and given Shinji an excuse to leave him be. No, he goes around doing his usual routine; helping out in different divisions, killing hollows here and there, training with Renji and having tea with Rukia. He does everything _except_ hang out in Shinji's office and talk about his most recent trip to Hueco Mundo to bother Grimmjow, or join him for drinks after Shinji is done with work.

 

Instead it's the other Visoreds that stop by with documents Ichigo normally would have delivered, despite the fact that nobody actually has the time for it, and they all know it. Everyone also has their own version of "Ichigo is never mad for this long Shinji, how bad did you fuck up this time", and it's making Shinji more cranky every time he hears it.

 

So when Shinji slips in through his open window on the third day, looking tired and haggard, Ichigo is surprised by the amount of time that has passed - or lack thereof - but not the fact that he's there.

 

"That was quick," he says, raising an eyebrow.

 

Shinji groans as he sinks down on the couch. "Shut the fuck up, asshole. Way ta abuse yer position. How did ya even get that many people ta write letters?"

 

Ichigo only laughs at him and Shinji grumbles unhappily.

 

"So?" Ichigo prompts a few seconds later, when Shinji stays silent. It earns him a half-hearted glare. Then Shinji groans again.

 

"Fine! Fine." He tips his head back to rest on the couch. "Ya win, ya dick. I _know_ I went too far and I'm sorry. Really. Ya know I am."

 

Ichigo lets him stew a tiny bit longer just because he can. Then he grins. "Apology accepted, bastard. Now, if you're done being dramatic, wanna go for a drink? You look like you could use one."

 

Shinji flips him off. "Fuckin' jerk, who's fault do ya think that is? Dumbass." He gets up anyway. "I gotta say though, that whole setup was kinda impressive. Damn annoying, but impressive."

 

Ichigo laughs again. "You know me. I live to impress."

 

 _And fuck if that ain't actually the truth_ , Shinji thinks as they head out.

 

–––

 

Spotting Kyouraku on the way to the bar and inviting him along had definitely not been Ichigo's plan ten minutes ago. But the latter half of it had turned out to be Shinji's and Kyouraku had, not surprisingly, agreed, so here they were, tucked away in a tiny corner table in Shinji's favourite bar. And Shinji had definitely continued to take advantage of the situation, because there was no way that he had accidentally chosen the only chair available at the table. Kyouraku had seated himself on the remaining couch without fuss and, with no acceptable reason to refuse, Ichigo had been forced to do the same. The angry glare he'd sent Shinji had been completely ignored. The bastard.

 

So now Ichigo is sitting there, hands around his cup of green tea, trying not to feel aware of Kyouraku sitting only a few inches away, and failing horribly. He feels jittery. It's an unfamiliar emotion and he's very much not a fan. The urge to do something is almost overwhelming, but he can't because Kyouraku is _right there_ and doing anything will attract attention and he can't deal with that right now. Not without running the risk of punching someone in the face and then fleeing.

 

All he has to do is to act normal, Ichigo reminds himself. Breathe, act normal, and then he can soon excuse himself when Shinji is suitably drunk, and maybe have a small freak out in the peace and comfort of his own apartment in the real world. That sounds like a solid plan. He inhales, holds it, exhales, and then nearly has a heart attack when Kyouraku slings an arm around his shoulder.

 

"Don't you think so too, Ichigo-chan?"

 

It takes him a _long_ moment to get his heart out of his throat long enough to answer. "Sorry, I didn't– What?"

 

Shinji is smirking at him from across the table, and Ichigo kicks him in the shin because he can. Bastard. But then Kyouraku is pulling him closer, and Shinji is promptly forgotten, because oh god, that is close. That is very close.

 

"Weren't you paying attention, Ichigo-chan? We're talking about how I'm definitely the most handsome Captain-Commander Soul Society has ever had. Shinji is apparently partially blind, because he claims Yamamoto was better looking. Poor fool." Kyouraku shakes his head in mock sympathy and Shinji makes a face at him. "But you agree with me, right? I'm definitely more handsome."

 

"Sure," Ichigo forces out. Kyouraku's face is way too close for his brain to properly process what is going on. "Shinji is definitely a fool."

 

It seems like the safest thing to agree to, because there is no way the words 'you are more handsome' are coming out of Ichigo's mouth. Ever. But it's apparently enough because Kyouraku grins and pats his shoulder.

 

"I knew you had better taste, Ichigo-chan," he grins. Shinji is already replying but Ichigo tunes him out, inching away from Kyouraku before he drops his head to the table, pillowed in the safety of his arms. He can feel his face burning. Fuck. _Fuck_.

 

Okay, so maybe Ichigo can't deal with this. Maybe Ichigo can _not_ deal with this. Everything that just happened is proof that Ichigo definitely cannot deal with this, and his plan is doomed to crash and burn. Goddammit.

 

Bloody Kyouraku Shunsui.

 

Groaning, Ichigo fumbles for his cup of tea. He needs something to drink, and it might be just as well that he doesn't drink sake because he'd rather not embarrass himself even more. He blindly pats the table, refusing to lift his head.

 

Then there is someone grabbing his hand and Ichigo jerks up to see Kyouraku grinning at him, one hand on Ichigo's wrist and one hand around his teacup, pushing it into Ichigo's open palm.

 

"You nearly knocked it over, Ichigo-chan. Gotta be more careful."

 

"Thanks," Ichigo croaks. He awkwardly tugs his hands back but Kyouraku is still looking at him, smiling, and he has no idea what to do with himself. His face must be on fire. When Shinji coos at him from across the table, he shoots to his feet. Nope. That's it.

 

"I'm gonna go home now," Ichigo announces, already making his way around the table. "I'm sure my sisters want to know where I've been and that I'm okay."

 

Ichigo is not dealing with anything more today, whether that be unnecessary attractive acquaintances or stupid meddling friends. His heart can't take any more.

 

He kicks Shinji when he passes by, because fuck him, and pauses to sketch a quick bow at Kyouraku. "It was nice to see you, Kyouraku-san," he says, too awkward and formal, trying and failing to meet his gaze. After a moment, Ichigo gives up and hurries towards the door. He'll just never come back to Soul Society and see Kyouraku again, ever. That sounds like a good idea.

 

Behind him, Kyouraku looks over at Shinji and raises a questioning eyebrow. The gigantic grin he gets in response raises the other eyebrow, and he shoots a thoughtful look at Ichigo's retreating back. _Hmm._

 

\- xxx -

 

Ichigo spends a day stewing about how disgustingly awful he is at acting normal, and then brushes it off. It was horrible and awkward and he regrets everything, but done is done and he can't change it now.

 

So there is only one thing to do - change the plan. The current one is obviously not gonna work, so Ichigo mentally revises it to "avoid Kyouraku Shunsui at all times without raising suspicion". It shouldn't be too difficult. Kyouraku is the Captain-Commander after all, and Ichigo doesn't often have to deal with him about official matters. One of the perks of not being a shinigami with the Gotei 13. So if he can only avoid the casual interactions, which are also admittedly rare, he should be fine.

 

That all goes downhill a few days later when he arrives in Seireitei with plans to bully Renji into some fighting, and runs straight into the one and only Kyouraku Shunsui. Like, literally.

 

There is a pair of hands on his shoulders steadying him before Ichigo can even figure out what happened. When he pulls back a little and spots familiar pink and flowers, he freezes. Does the universe really hate him this much?

 

Apparently it does, because Kyouraku follows up with, "Ichigo! Just who I was looking for."

 

 _Fuck_ , Ichigo almost blurts out.

 

"Kyouraku," he says instead. He takes a long step backwards, out of immediate reach, and tries to ignore his heart thundering in his chest. "What do you want?"

 

And crap, that came out way ruder than he'd thought. It's a good thing nobody expects much of Ichigo when it comes to politeness anyway.

 

"It's not about what I want as much as about what you might want," Kyouraku says, and Ichigo swears his heart stops beating. Oh god, if Kyouraku knows ....

 

"Oh?" He forces out. He's already mentally planning how to run away, murder Shinji, and then escape Soul Society without being caught. Maybe Byakuya would let him borrow his senkaimon for old time's sake.

 

Kyouraku only smiles, oblivious to Ichigo's inner panic. "I have heard rumours that you are currently lacking in sparring partners," he says, and Ichigo blinks at the unexpected subject.

 

"What?" That isn't true. Ikkaku and Yumichika are _always_ down for a fight, and Renji only pretends he doesn't want to hack away at Ichigo every chance he can get. Hell, Ichigo still has to avoid Kenpachi more days than not to avoid ending up in a fight that would destroy all of Seireitei.

 

"The rumour is that you only use one sword when sparring, to even the odds," Kyouraku explains. "So I figured maybe you would be interested in the chance to let loose a little with someone who can give you a fair fight." Kyouraku grins. Ichigo really wishes he would stop smiling at him like that.

 

"Against you?" He has to be sure, because it sounds like an exceptionally bad idea, and Ichigo is very tempted to say yes.

 

"The one and only," Kyouraku confirms, tilting his head back. "The best dual zanpakuto-wielder in the whole of Gotei 13, if I do say so myself."

 

"You're the only two handed wielder in the Gotei 13," Ichigo retorts, head already swirling with all the reasons this is a Bad Idea, but he still catches the frown that pulls Kyouraku's lips tight for the fraction of a second, and he remembers. _Shit_.

 

He finds himself agreeing the next moment, even as his brain screeches at him about why he shouldn't. Like the fact that it is going to be prolonged contact with Kyouraku Shunsui in mostly close quarters. "Sure. That sounds like fun."

 

And quite possibly like the most stupid decision he's ever made, he acknowledges. But he can always hide and regret it later. That seems to be his new favourite pastime anyway. 

 

"Perfect! Let's go." Kyouraku immediately spins on his heel and heads off, and Ichigo scrambles for a moment before catching up.

 

"Right now?"

 

"Do you have anything else to do?"

 

"No," Ichigo admits. "But I would've thought that you did."

 

Kyouraku waves it off. "There's nothing I can do that my lieutenants cannot. And what's the point in having two of them if I can't take advantage of it every now and then?"

 

Ichigo looks away from the mischievous grin with red cheeks. Damn Kyouraku Shunsui for being so attractive. With his stupid face and that air of easy confidence and power. And stupid eye catching kimono, because it makes him difficult to ignore. Ichigo carefully does not look at Kyouraku until they stop at the biggest training ground he's ever seen, and he spends a few seconds gaping at the sheer size of it.

 

Kyouraku chuckles. "There's some perks with being the 1st Division." He walks onto the ground without hesitation and Ichigo follows, still looking around. When Kyouraku suddenly stops, Ichigo barely avoids bumping into him. Again.

 

He takes a few steps back as Kyouraku turns around to face him, and then swallows. _Oh crap_.

 

Kyouraku's grin is almost predatory as he slides his hands down to grip the hilts of his swords. "Ready?"

 

Okay, so the idea of fighting against the arguably strongest person in Soul Society had been a pretty alluring prospect, especially since said person also happens to be a dual-wielder and Ichigo desperately needs practice using both his swords. But the reality that he's about to fight _Kyouraku_ \- the recipient of his stupid little crush, despite how much Ichigo hates that word - is suddenly sinking in and he only has a moment to regret that he didn’t just stay home today. 

 

Ichigo has never been a quitter though, so there’s only one thing to do. He squares his shoulders and reaches for his own swords. “Ready.”

 

He expects to be rushed and tenses, but Kyouraku only raises a finger.

 

"I nearly forgot - only using swords, okay? I want my division building to still be in one piece when we're done, despite how impressive your Getsuga Tenshou is." The wink is totally unnecessary and Ichigo wishes he could say he is unaffected and mean it. But it makes his heart flutter anyway, dammit.

 

The fight is amazing. Kyouraku is amazing and using both Shiro and Zangetsu is amazing and the struggle to keep up with someone more experienced, again and again and again, feels amazing. The longer they go at it, the more excited he feels, until he can’t help laughing out loud. Ichigo hasn’t fought this hard since taking down Yhwach and he loves it. The laughter comes to an abrupt halt when something ghosts across his neck and Ichigo spins around. Kyouraku is behind him, grinning. 

 

“That would’ve been a fatal injury, Ichigo-chan, you gotta be more careful,” he drawls, and oh, it’s _on_. Ichigo rushes him, and they’re off again. 

 

Ichigo isn’t really upset about how often Kyouraku manages to best him. Maybe Ichigo could pressure him if it came to brute force, but this is only swordsmanship and Kyouraku has centuries of experience on him. It would be ridiculous to be angry at that. 

 

No, what bothers Ichigo is _the touching_. Obviously, the game is for Kyouraku to “cut” him and Ichigo to avoid it, but - Ichigo shivers as strong fingers slide across his hip, and his retaliation is way too late - Kyouraku’s “cuts” are way more like caresses than Ichigo knows what to do with. And it’s not like he can ask about it, because he’d rather stab himself than actually say any version of “the caressing is very distracting, please stop” or “can you at least make it hurt more”. But it is slowly driving him crazy, and the more flustered he gets the easier it is for Kyouraku to sneak in another touch, and then he gets even more flustered and it just keeps on going. 

 

By the time Kyouraku calls for a break, Ichigo is a mess, his whole body tingling. Kyouraku was very thorough, if nothing else, and if this had been an actual fight Ichigo would have been covered with cuts from head to toe. He hopes his burning face can be blamed on the exertion, because he is not gonna explain the real reason anytime soon. 

 

“So, how was it?” Kyouraku says, and for one horrible moment Ichigo thinks he is asking about the touches. Because _fuck_ , that’s– “It’s nice using both swords, right?” 

 

Ichigo almost laughs in relief. The swords, right. Thank god. 

 

“It’s nice,” he agrees, because it is. “I keep forgetting how right it feels, now, to use two instead of one. Seems even that whole part-of-your-soul thing can’t quite beat habits.” 

 

Kyouraku chuckles. “Ukitake would have agreed with you. He had so much trouble going back and forth between one and two swords in the beginning, after we got our shikai.” His smile is soft, in a way it only ever is when talking about Ukitake. 

 

Hesitating, Ichigo reaches out and pats him awkwardly on the shoulder. Offering comfort in any way is generally way out of his comfort zone but he tries. Kyouraku looks surprised for a second, then he laughs and hauls Ichigo closer with an arm around his neck. 

 

“Aren’t you sweet,” he grins, hugging him close, and Ichigo flails, because _chest_ and _close_ and _sweat_ and _why_. 

 

“What,” Ichigo splutters, struggling against the hold. He can feel his ears burning. Kyouraku hums and doesn’t let go. 

 

“Such a good boy, aren’t you?” 

 

Ichigo’s brain screeches to a halt. “ _What?_ ” he manages. That has to be one of the most suggestive or patronizing sentences he’s heard in his life, and he doesn’t know which one is worse. He wrestles himself out of the hold, hug, whatever it is, to glare at Kyouraku. 

 

“I’m not 12, Kyouraku, what the hell are you talking about?” Hopefully his face isn’t as red as it feels, as he makes sure to stay out of reach in case of another surprise-grab.

 

“Aww, but you are so young, Ichigo-chan,” Kyouraku coos. “Don’t you want a reward for being a good boy?” 

 

“Only if the reward is to kick your face in!” Ichigo snaps back, covering his embarrassment with a scowl and angry glare. Kyouraku is definitely bad for his heart.

 

“That can be arranged.” 

 

“....What?” 

 

Kyouraku looks entirely too satisfied and it makes Ichigo suspicious. What did he miss? 

 

Kyouraku grins and gestures between them. “If you, hero of Soul Society and saviour of all three dimensions, want to have another spar with little old me, who am I to say no to such a request?”

 

“Oh my god, that is _not_ what I meant–” Ichigo gapes as Kyouraku backs away, saluting him with one hand. “Kyouraku, don’t you dare–”

 

“See you again soon, Ichigo-chan!” 

 

And he shunpoes away, the bastard. 

 

 _Bloody Kyouraku Shunsui_.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked the chapter, please leave a comment if you have time ~ \♡/


	4. take my hand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the time it took to get this chapter out, but anxiety and depression and all that jazz, things were pretty difficult for a while. I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway \o/  
> As always, thank to [Razia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razia/pseuds/Razia) for being the best <3  
> If she didn't listen to my whining and crying and made sure I didn't make a fool out of myself with bad grammar and strange spelling mistakes, this story would never have happened x'D

 

“Looking for something?”

 

_Holy mother of—_

 

Ichigo shivers from head to toe as he jerks away. “Fucking hell!”

 

Kyouraku grins and watches with amusement as Ichigo rubs his ear frantically. “A little sensitive, are we, Ichigo-chan?”

 

“Fuck off,” Ichigo growls half heartedly, face burning. Both Shinji and Urahara have a habit of sneaking up on him occasionally, but there’s never been any whispering involved. One likes being an ass, and the other just enjoys scaring him senseless on a regular basis. “What was that for?”

 

“A surprise for the little intruder sneaking around in my office.”

 

“I was not sneaking around,” Ichigo protests immediately. He lifts the folder he's been carrying and waves it around for emphasis. “I'm delivering important documents from Kensei, but the office was empty so I was just gonna leave them on your desk. Then you do—” he waves his hands around aimlessly, “ _this_ , and you should be glad I haven't throw them at you yet because that—” 

 

Kyouraku is behind him in an instant, cutting Ichigo off mid-sentence. 

 

“You mean this?” he asks, breathing the words into his ear, and it feels like lightning crackling down Ichigo's back. He shudders hard. 

 

“Why?” he demands when he can find his voice. His ear is tingling and he’s got goosebumps all over, and man, this is definitely not what he signed up for when he agreed to help Kensei this morning. 

 

Kyouraku shrugs and grins, already back to leaning against the door frame like nothing happened. “Your reaction is cute.” 

 

Okay, this is really bad for his heart. Ichigo swallows. He can’t deal with this. 

 

Time to pull one of his specialties — a quick exit. 

 

“So, not that this hasn’t been fun and all,” he says, which is a lie, because it _hasn’t_ , more like mostly embarrassing and slightly traumatizing and his heartbeat might never return to normal, “but I need to go, I've got other things to do, so I will just leave the documents here, yeah?”

 

Ichigo lays the folder on the table and pauses. Kyouraku still hasn't moved from the doorway —and all the staring is starting to make Ichigo really nervous— so if he wants to leave he will have to walk right by him. Brush past him, basically. That seems like a bad idea at the moment. So Ichigo goes for option number two, salutes Kyouraku in the least formal way possible, and jumps out the window. Being able to walk on air is awfully convenient sometimes. 

 

 

\- xxx - 

 

 

“Ya can't honestly tell me ya think he's there fer any reason ‘cept ya, right?” Shinji drawls at him one evening, after they've left the bar and the other Visoreds behind. 

 

Ichigo gives him a half hearted glare. “Shut up.” 

 

“No, really,” Shinji insists. “Do ya _really_ think he just suddenly had an urge ta spend time with us, other captains and lieutenants he sees almost every day, and decided to show up? When there’s so many other places he could have gone? Come on Ichigo, use yer brain ta think. I know ya have one.” 

 

“I _think_ you are blowing this way out of proportion,” Ichigo growls back, agitated and embarrassed and rapidly getting annoyed. “Maybe he just wanted a drink. Maybe he just wanted some company. Maybe he chose that bar on accident—” 

 

“The chances of that—” Shinji interrupts him, but Ichigo cuts him off with a fist to the stomach. It’s very effective.

 

“No, you shut up and listen to me. Who knows what the fuck Kyouraku was actually doing there tonight. But the same way I can’t prove he _didn’t_ come for me, you can’t prove that he _did_ , so leave. it. alone.” 

 

And while there is a lot Shinji could say to that, he keeps quiet. If Ichigo really did not notice the glances, then there’s no point taking this argument any further. He grins. He’s pretty sure Ichigo is gonna discover the truth sooner or later anyway. 

 

 

\- xxx -

 

 

Despite Ichigo’s insistence to Shinji that everything could have been a coincidence, he can’t deny that Kyouraku does seem to be, well … everywhere, really, these days. It might be that he just never noticed these things before, but he’s pretty sure that’s not the case. Even Renji had been slack-jawed with surprise when Kyouraku showed up at their usual restaurant and asked if he could join them for lunch. Rukia had given him this contemplative look that had made Ichigo flustered enough to almost spill his drink, and only Kyouraku’s fast reflexes had saved him from dumping tea all over himself. Needless to say, he had excused himself the second he finished. Another reason to keep his distance to Kyouraku at all times.

 

\---

 

But what does that help, Ichigo muses almost in dismay, when Kyouraku keeps appearing on his own? 

 

\---

 

“Yo, Ichigo.” 

 

Case in point. 

 

Hanatarou bumps into him when Ichigo stops dead in the middle of the street, but he pays no attention to it. They’re in the middle of a random street, in a random section of Seireitei, in the middle of the day, and what is actually the chance of running into the Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13 here? But Kyouraku is looking down at them from a nearby roof, and Ichigo is torn between being very surprised and kind of not surprised at all. It’s a peculiar feeling. 

 

“Kyouraku,” he says calmly. Hanatarou makes a tiny _eep_ that Ichigo barely registers. “What are you doing here?” 

 

Kyouraku salutes him with the sake bottle he’s holding. “Enjoying the nice weather,” he says cheerily. 

 

“Right.”

 

“What are you two doing?” Kyouraku asks, and Ichigo feels his heart thump at the grin he gives them. Damn Kyouraku. Does he really have to look so attractive just lazing around and being useless?

 

Though, Ichigo acknowledges, that is probably more his own problem than actually Kyouraku’s fault. Crushes are the worst. 

 

“We’re on an errand for the 4th Division,” Ichigo says. He raises a few of the plastic bags he’s carrying. “I’m helping Hanatarou gather medical supplies from the real world so that the 4th can figure out what is worth using here in Soul Society.” He shrugs. “Apparently some things like flu medicine are far more effective than using healing kidou.”

 

Kyouraku looks way too interested. “Is that so?” Then suddenly he’s on the ground next to them, kimono and hat in hand, and Ichigo almost jerks away because that’s close. What happened to personal space? Kyouraku looks down at him. “Why don’t you tell me more about that?” 

 

Ichigo swallows. Only one thing to do. 

 

He fumbles behind him until he gets a grip on Hanatarou’s shihakusho. “Hanatarou knows a lot more about it, I’m just the delivery guy,” he says, jerking hard on the sleeve and pushing Hanatarou in front of him. “I’m sure he’ll be much better at explaining it than me.” 

 

There’s a moment of silence as Hanatarou stares at Ichigo in absolute horror and betrayal, basically flattened into the chest of the Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13. Then Kyouraku laughs and steps back. 

 

“Hanatarou-kun, was it? Please, do tell me about what you guys at the 4th have discovered. I’d love to hear about it.” Then he snatches a few of Ichigo’s many plastic bags with a wink and starts walking. 

 

It takes Hanatarou several minutes to stop stammering, nearly as long as it takes for Ichigo’s heart to stop racing, but eventually they’re talking normally. Ichigo tries to keep out of the conversation, but Hanatarou says something about “Kurosaki-san’s clinic” and Ichigo first has to explain that “no, he’s not Kurosaki-san, that’s his father, it’s his clinic” and then defend himself because “of course he didn’t _steal_ the medicine, Kyouraku, he was allowed to take them!” and then they’re suddenly in front of the 4th Division compound.

 

Hanatarou gathers all the plastic bags with medicine. “It was an honour talking with you, Soutaichou,” he says seriously. Then he lights up in one of his rare smiles. “And good luck, Ichigo-kun!” And he leaves.

 

Time to get out of here, Ichigo decides. That plan comes to a screeching halt when Kyouraku slides an arm around his shoulder and looks at him. 

 

“You free now?” he asks, and Ichigo can only nod dumbly. “Perfect. Let’s do another spar.” 

 

 _Yes,_ is his first thought. 

 

 _No,_ follows a second later. 

 

 _Yes,_ his traitorous mind whispers. 

 

“Now?” is what he manages. His heart is thundering in his chest from the proximity and the easy touch. God knows that Kyouraku doesn’t seem to have any personal boundaries and it’s wreaking havoc on his peace of mind.

 

“Why not, if you don’t have anything else to do?”

 

Ichigo rubs at his forehead. “No, I just figured that you should be busy, being Captain-Commander and all.” 

 

“This is starting to sound very familiar,” Kyouraku laughs. He strokes a hand down Ichigo’s neck and Ichigo does his best to not shiver. Has Kyouraku always been this touchy? 

 

“As long as you’re not using me to skip work,” Ichigo says, feigning indifference.

 

Kyouraku fake-gasps. “Do you think I would do that? What kind of person do you take me for, Ichigo-chan?” 

 

“Someone who skips work a lot.” 

 

“I can’t even begin to express how deeply your words have wounded me,” Kyouraku says dramatically, both hands on his chest like he’s been stabbed, and Ichigo can’t help the smile. Kyouraku’s serious facade melts away as he smiles back. Then he places a hand on Ichigo’s back and starts steering him away. “I would never use you as an excuse to skip work,” Kyouraku promises as they wind through tiny back alleys. He grins impishly. “But I also won’t deny that it’s a lot more fun to spend time with you than do paperwork.” 

 

Ichigo hopes he’s not blushing. “I would certainly hope so,” he drawls, or tries to, anyway. 

 

 _Stupid_ , he admonishes himself. Like that is something to get all giddy over — that’s he’s more interesting than paperwork. But he can’t help the excited fluttering in his stomach.

 

Kyouraku huffs a laugh but is otherwise quiet until they reach the training ground. Once there he turns to face Ichigo, and Ichigo half heartedly tries to convince himself he can’t feel the imprint of Kyouraku’s warm hand on his back. 

 

“So,” he says after a moment, when Kyouraku just stands there looking at him. He shuffles his feet self-consciously. 

 

“‘So’ what?” Kyouraku repeats. 

 

“Are we just gonna start slashing at each other or do you have a plan?” 

 

Kyouraku grins. “Just start slashing at each other, I guess.” He gestures between them before he grabs his swords. “Just come at me whenever you’re ready.” 

 

It is a lot more awkward than last time, Ichigo thinks as he draws his own swords. He wonders if it’s because of him, if he’s been behaving strangely. But then he lunges, Kyouraku avoids it, and everything is back on track. It’s easy, simple. Ichigo spares a thought to wonder what it says about him, that fighting is the most natural thing for him. Then he gives a mental shrug and puts his all into the fight. No point wondering about it now, and it’s probably years too late anyway. 

 

They start off hard, swords screeching as they clash, leaving Ichigo panting within minutes. It’s rough, brutal and Ichigo loves every second of it. They both nick each other several times and Ichigo’s shihakusho starts quickly getting torn to pieces. He couldn’t care less.

 

After a while, the nature of the fight changes. They get less intense, stop trying to honestly injure each other, and it’s more like an actual spar than a real fight. 

 

Kyouraku starts calling out advice and Ichigo follows it immediately, correcting his posture and changing his grip and subtly altering his motions for more efficient attacks. This must be what it feels like to have a proper teacher, he muses, and then wishes Shinji and Urahara where here so he could say it to their faces. Just imagining their offended reactions makes him want to laugh. 

 

The sparring is just as fun as the hardcore fighting, in a different way, and Ichigo is enjoying himself immensely until the moment Kyouraku calls out a “that's good, keep it up, handsome!" and Ichigo almost fumbles his swords in shock when he goes to block.

 

“ _What?””_ ” he squawks, barely deflecting the blow. Kyouraku starts laughing even as he avoids Ichigo's half hearted counter and pushes him back. 

 

"Caught you off guard, did I?" Kyouraku teases. 

 

"Shut up," Ichigo grumbles, embarrassed. His cheeks are burning. 

 

"Why? Is this making you uncomfortable? Surely you must have been called handsome before, with your looks." 

 

"We are not discussing this," Ichigo hisses as he rushes Kyouraku, swords shrieking when they clash and lock. "I _will_ cut you, don't think I won't." 

 

"You're welcome to try," Kyouraku says, smiling wide, and that is a challenge Ichigo has never been able to resist.

 

They go back to the more serious fighting. Ichigo pushes hard, not because he actually expects to beat Kyouraku, but just because he can and he knows Kyouraku will keep up. And Kyouraku pushes back, driving Ichigo harder, and they go at it until both of them are out of breath and soaked in sweat. 

 

“Ready to retire yet?” Ichigo gasps as he lies on the ground, zanpakuto discarded next to him. Breathing takes priority over grumpy parts of your soul snapping at you for careless handling. It’s not like they can get dull anyway. 

 

Kyouraku is sitting cross legged beside him, swords back in their sheath all nice and proper. “I don’t think so,” he laughs, out of breath. “Someone needs to protect Soul Society while you stumble around learning the sword, so I think I’ll stay for a while longer. Can’t leave the three worlds undefended, you know.” He was, again, the winner of their little session and the proof is his mostly-intact shihakusho. The mostly-intact shihakusho he is currently peeling off to leave his upper body bare. 

 

It leaves Ichigo’s offended reply stuck in his throat, and he almost chokes on it as he stares wide eyed at tan skin and sculpted muscles. Oh god, he was not prepared for that.

 

When Kyouraku turns around with a raised eyebrow, surprised at the lack of reaction to his comment, Ichigo isn’t quick enough to not be caught staring. They look right at each other for a long moment before Ichigo manages to tear his gaze away and he catches Kyouraku’s widening grin out of the corner of his eye. 

 

“I wasn’t looking,” he squeaks before Kyouraku has a chance to say anything, and god, that is an admittance of guilt if he’s ever heard one. As Kyouraku bursts into surprised laughter, Ichigo decides he doesn’t have any self-respect left to lose anyway and rolls away to curl into a ball. “Leave me alone,” he groans.

 

“Aww, Ichigo-chan, there’s no reason to be shy. I have worked hard for this body, you know, I don’t mind a little looking.” 

 

Ichigo can almost hear the eyebrow waggle that accompanies that sentence. “Shut up,” he grumbles. Crushes are seriously the worst.

 

“Then how about, instead of rolling around on the ground and becoming a tumbleweed, we go find some food?” Kyouraku suggests cheerfully, and Ichigo perks up. 

 

Like that is something he even has to consider. “Yeah, sure,” he agrees. 

 

“That was quick,” Kyouraku comments as Ichigo rolls to his feet. He gets a shrug in reply. 

 

“I don’t say no to food,” Ichigo looks down on the completely mangled shihakusho he’s trying —and failing— to dust off, “but I’m not sure I’m presentable, honestly.” 

 

Kyouraku waves it off. “No problem. We’ll just do like this—” and suddenly Ichigo finds himself swathed in something very familiar and very pink, and freezes, “and nobody can tell.” 

 

“Mhmm,” is all Ichigo manages. Kyouraku smiles and starts walking, leaving Ichigo to scramble after him. _Wearing Kyouraku’s kimono_.

 

It even smells like him, Ichigo notices, and then feels like a pervert, because is that something you usually notice when wearing other people’s clothes? He has no idea. But as they leave the training ground behind and start weaving their way through more crowded streets, he becomes increasingly aware of the way people glance at them and then do a double take. And it’s making him increasingly self conscious.

 

 _Yes, that is the Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13, and yes, I am wearing his trademark kimono,_ Ichigo finds himself wanting to shout. _Now stop staring!_

 

In a move that lines up perfectly with Ichigo’s less-than-stellar luck, they pass by Mashiro on the main street, just before Kyouraku steers them into a tiny side street and through a barely visible doorway. Ichigo can still picture the way her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open as Kyouraku leads him to a table and they sit down. 

 

If there is any god out there she will not tell Shinji about this, Ichigo almost prays. The chances of that happening are microscopical, but fate has to be on Ichigo’s side at least once in his life, right? So it might as well be today. 

 

That one misfortune aside, the dinner is great. The food is amazing and Kyouraku offers to pay, so Ichigo stuffs himself as much as humanly —hah— possible. He definitely needs to come back here, preferably with the other Visoreds, so he can rub it in their faces that they didn’t know about a restaurant this good. 

 

Not that Ichigo knew about it either, but he hasn’t been living in Seireitei for hundreds of years either so it doesn’t count. 

 

After dinner, Kyouraku insists on walking Ichigo to the senkaimon despite Ichigo’s numerous reasons he doesn’t have to, and they’re off again, weaving their way down the main street. 

 

If anything, it seems like there are more people staring at them now. Kyouraku seems to be completely oblivious to it, and Ichigo just wants to go home and hide for a while, maybe dig up some ice cream from the freezer to binge on. He’s sure nobody would judge him for that if they knew what kind of day he’s had.

 

Everything still manages to take a turn for the worse when the Senkaimon becomes visible.

 

“God fucking _damn it_ ,” Ichigo hisses fiercely, and Kyouraku blinks down at him. 

 

“Everything alright, Ichigo-chan?” 

 

“No,” he grits out. He points accusingly at the silhouette in front of the Senkaimon gates. “Shinji is here.” 

 

That doesn’t make Kyouraku look any less confused. “And that’s bad?” 

 

“Yes, because he’s definitely here to make fun of me, the bastard.” Ichigo doesn’t really care how strange it must be that he’s acting so hostile, considering that it’s common knowledge that Shinji is one of his closest friends among the shinigami, even when their bickering is known all throughout Seireitei. 

 

They get close enough for Shinji to notice the kimono, and Ichigo figures the enormous grin that spreads across Shinji’s face explains his reaction pretty well. That smile spells nothing but trouble.

 

“Yo Ichigo, looks like ya’ve been havin’ a—”

 

“Shinji, don’t you fucking dare,” Ichigo interrupts sharply. His trust in Shinji behaving himself, even with Kyouraku there, is in the negative. And it seems to be pretty justified as Shinji’s eyes brighten at the aggressive tone. 

 

“What? Don’t I fuckin’ dare what, Ichigo?” he asks pleasantly. “Are ya worried I might say somethin’ incriminating? Don’t ya trust me?” 

 

“Right now, I trust you about as much I’d trust Kurotsuchi to have my back in a fight,” Ichigo growls, keeping one hand on Shiro. He’ll welcome using violence to shut Shinji up if necessary. 

 

Shinji fakes a wounded expression. “I am so hurt, Ichigo. After everythin’ we’ve been through tagether, ta think ya don’t even trust me to keep yer secrets—” 

 

A flare of reiatsu, woven through with hollow-black because Shiro is dangerously close to the surface, shuts Shinji up as he’s pushed a few steps back. Ichigo doesn’t notice how the force also knocks the kimono off and reveals the sad remains of his shihakusho. But he definitely notices the delighted gleam in Shinji’s eyes and can almost see the remarks lining up. 

 

“One more word and I’m siccing Yoruichi on you,” Ichigo warns. It actually makes Shinji looks the tiniest bit unsure.

 

“She wouldn’t bother about a little argument like this.”

 

“You know I’m her _favourite_ ,” Ichigo says sweetly. “Do you really wanna take the chance?” 

 

Now Shinji looks honestly conflicted and Ichigo pounces. In a second he’s got an arm around Shinji’s neck and is hauling him towards the open gates. He remembers Kyouraku at the last moment and manages a quick wave before the portal swallows them. Well, it definitely could have gone worse. 

 

 

 

It’s a pleasure to dump Shinji on the floor of the Urahara Shouten and watch him land in a ungraceful heap of limbs and hair and haori. 

 

“Asshole,” Shinji grumbles and Ichigo gives him the finger. 

 

“Says you.” 

 

“Still a pot callin’ the kettle black.” 

 

“That doesn’t make you any less of a kettle, you—” 

 

They are interrupted as the door opens and Urahara comes through. He pauses to take in Shinji still lying on the floor and Ichigo’s tattered clothes, then he whips out his fan to hide a smile that makes Ichigo stiffen with dread before Urahara even opens his mouth. 

 

“Kurosaki-san! How was your date with Kyouraku-san?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you liked it, it's important to feed the writer xD ~ <3  
> Also, a few things I've been meaning to mention but kept forgetting:  
> 1\. Everyone needs to check out [this story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17976248) that the wonderful [DearCat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearCat/pseuds/DearCat) wrote, which is basically what could have happened if Shinji and Ichigo didn't make up in the previous chapter! It's wonderful <3 (Spoiler: they both take their pranks very seriously)  
> 2\. Yes, Ichigo calls Shinji bastard a lot, and it's intentional. I could come up with other words, but it's basically Ichigo's nickname for Shinji at this point xD  
> 3\. I feel like I keep making Ichigo swear more and more every chapter, but I just think it fits? I personally use swearing more for emphasis than actually cursing? Which is basically what Ichigo is doing too, or so is my thinking. But anyway, he's grown up and has seen and done a lot of shit - he can curse if he wants to xD  
> 4\. Kyouraku switches between names depending on the occasion - which is why he calls Shinji for "Hirako-taichou" when they're having a captain's meeting, and "Shinji" when talking to or about him at other times. In the same manner, he might call Ichigo just "Ichigo" if f.ex. the situation is more serious. It's not me just forgetting what names I used previously, I swear xD  
> 5\. But I'm also still just doing a lot of what I want, so Ichigo probably won't call Yoruichi without any honorifics "in reality", but I'm imagining Ichigo and Yoruichi having a great relationship at this point (they known each other for a long time, and he is her favourite not-Kisuke-or-Tessai-person) so she doesn't mind. Yoruichi seems pretty laid back most of the time, anyway xD


	5. all the shine (of a thousand spotlights)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! Just a little over a month since the last chapter, which I'm pretty proud of \o/ (I know some authors manage to update, like, once a week or _even more often_ but they must be superhumans and I can't relate x'D)  
> Always, always, always, always thank you to [Razia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razia/pseuds/Razia) for being The Best <3  
> Basically nothing went like I was planning this chapter, but I'm pretty okay with how it turned out, so ... oops? xD Hope you like it \o/

 

Maybe he had freaked out a little. Just a tiny bit. But he hadn’t exactly been expecting Urahara to say something like that. (And it had not been a date. It _hadn’t_.)

 

Shinji, traitor that he was, had apparently gone to the living world to gossip with Urahara after sensing Ichigo and Kyouraku together “yet again” — Shinji’s words, not his. And while Ichigo was okay with Urahara knowing his secret, because he trusted him at least as much as Shinji, he was less than thrilled that Shinji had been blabbering about it, even if it was only to Urahara.

 

So he had given up control to Shiro with a sort of vindictive glee, to let him pummel Shinji until both of them felt better. Him and Shiro, that was. Shinji probably didn’t feel very good afterwards, but neither Ichigo, Shiro nor Urahara really cared about that. And Ichigo was extremely grateful for Urahara’s massive underground training room, because it was the only place Ichigo could let loose without causing irreparable damage. Perfect for when he needed to teach someone a lesson.

 

\---

 

Urahara invites him upstairs for tea while Shinji regenerates himself, and apologises for talking about Ichigo’s personal matters.

 

Ichigo waves it off. “I don’t mind, you know I trust you with anything. I could have told you myself, it’s just—” he can already feel the heat spreading across his cheeks and swallows, “it’s embarrassing.”

 

Urahara blinks. “Are you blushing, Kurosaki-san?” He laughs, a little surprised, as Ichigo groans and hides his red face.

 

“You don’t have to point it out,” Ichigo mumbles from behind his hands.

 

“It’s cute. And quite interesting, I must admit. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you act like this before.”

 

Ichigo gives him a half-hearted glare. “You better not be treating me like one of your experiments, geta-boshi.”

 

“Of course not, Kurosaki-san,” Urahara replies smoothly. But there’s a sparkle in his eyes that he is not bothering to hide, and Ichigo snorts.

 

“You’re a shameless liar who lies,” he shoots back, and Urahara whips out his fan to cover his grin.

 

“You are hurting me deeply, Kurosaki-san. But to go back to the subject of the Captain-Commander, you really do like him then?” He raises his hand in a placating motion when Ichigo twitches. “I do not mean to be rude, it’s just that I have known you for quite some years now, and I have never seen you be interested in anyone before. At least not romantically.”

 

Ichigo shrugs, trying not to squirm. “I haven’t. This is the first time. Which is one of the reasons it’s so embarrassing. I’m too old to have my first crush.” Even just saying the word ‘crush’ makes him feel like an awkward teenager.

 

“You’re barely 20 years old in a society where people are practically immortal,” Urahara deadpans, and Ichigo throws one of the pillows at him.

 

“Shut _up_.”

 

Urahara dodges it without batting an eye. “I’ll stop if you truly don’t wish to talk about this, but I find it odd that it is making you so uncomfortable. Your typical way of dealing with things is to punch through them and carry on — literally or figuratively — but that’s obviously not what you are doing this time.”

 

With a sigh, Ichigo slides down to lie on the floor. He folds his hands underneath his head and Urahara waits patiently as he gathers his thoughts. Discussing this is surprisingly not too bad, embarrassment and awkwardness aside. He has been running around in circles on his own for weeks without getting anywhere, and if there is anyone he trusts to be reasonable, it’s Urahara. Or maybe it would be more correct to say that if there is anyone he trusts to make _him_ see reason, it’s Urahara.

 

“I just feel so off balance,” Ichigo says finally. “There’s all these feelings I don’t know how to deal with, and they make everything so confusing. I’m not used to feeling so much, I think.”

 

Urahara hums thoughtfully but doesn’t reply. As the silence stretches on and he stays quiet, Ichigo twists around so he can look up at him, only to find Urahara watching him with calm, gentle eyes.

 

“What?” he asks.

 

“I think you have it backwards, Kurosaki-san. It’s not that you are feeling too much, it’s that you are _thinking_ too much.”

 

“What? How?”

 

“You always feel, Kurosaki-san. Strongly, whole-heartedly, all the time. Every major decision in your life has been fuelled by your feelings, have they not? You first accepted Rukia’s powers and then later went to Soul Society to save her because it felt like the right thing to do, no?”

 

“Well, yes. But what else was I supposed to do?” Ichigo frowns.

 

Urahara smiles. “Not everyone would have done what you did, Kurosaki-san. Most people would have stopped to consider options and consequences, and what would actually be possible to accomplish. You don’t, because that’s who you are; you feel, and then you _do_. You don’t stop to think about how you are going to do it, or why you should or shouldn’t do it. You just do it. Don't you agree?”

 

That is something he has never considered before. But the more Ichigo thinks about it, the more right it feels — and that is pretty ironic right now. “You do realise you make me sound like an idiot?” he asks drily. Urahara laughs.

 

“Idiot — no. Someone who doesn’t use his brain much — well, yes. Look at how well it’s been working out for you though.” He sounds sincere and looks sincere, but Ichigo squints at him anyway.

 

“I can’t put my finger on it, but you’re definitely making fun of me somewhere in there,” he accuses.

 

“I would never,” Urahara protests. The way he whips out his fan to hide his smile completely belies his statement, and Ichigo rolls his eyes at him. “But that’s why I’m venturing a guess and saying it’s the thinking that probably has you all twisted up when it comes to Kyouraku-san. Because you obviously are not stupid, but you do tend to function better when you act instead of think. No?”

 

Ichigo spends a few seconds considering that. “Yes,” he agrees. But then he frowns, looking uncertain. “What do I do with this information, though? It’s not like I can just walk up to Kyouraku now and—” he cuts himself off, cheeks burning.

 

“Maybe not start with kissing,” Urahara suggests cheerfully, eyes sparkling. The embarrassment comes back with a vengeance and Ichigo curls into a ball on the floor. It’s not like he has any dignity left to lose in front of Urahara anyway.

 

“Noted.”

 

“From what Hirako-san told me, it does sound like Kyouraku-san has been spending an unusual amount of time with you lately. Is that correct?"

 

That's … difficult to answer. "Maybe?" Ichigo says hesitantly. "I've seen him around a lot more in the past few weeks, but it could just be coincidences." Then he thinks about the training, and amends, "Most of them could be coincidences."

 

"Oh?" Urahara looks suitably interested. "Care to elaborate?"

 

So Ichigo does. He tells Urahara about the Visoreds' gathering, the lunch with Rukia and Renji, other lunches with other people, the training sessions, the walk with Hanatarou, the random meetings on random streets, how Kyouraku seems to end up in every bar he and Shinji visit. And lastly, hesitantly, he stutters his way through the last meeting in Kyouraku's office — slightly edited because he's already about to burst with mortification, but Urahara can probably fill in the gaps on his own — before waiting, face on fire, as Urahara considers all this information.

 

"To an outsider, it definitely _seems_ like he is flirting with you," he says at last. Ichigo sucks in a breath, heart racing, but he can almost hear the 'but' and keeps quiet. "To someone who knows both of you though," Urahara continues, and Ichigo _knew it_ , there was a 'but', "—it’s almost painfully obvious that Kyouraku-san is showing his interest in you, Kurosaki-san.”

 

Ichigo can feel his mouth drop open. Urahara looks exceptionally pleased, not bothering with his fan.

 

“A— are— do you— do you really think so?” he manages, eventually. Urahara’s grin softens into something more gentle.

 

“I can’t guarantee anything, of course, but there is a lot of evidence supporting my conclusion.” He starts counting off on one hand. “First, he seems to be only interested in you, not any of the people you are with. Second, he is definitely putting time and effort into spending time with you. Despite what he has been telling you, there is a lot of work as Captain-Commander that Kyouraku-san cannot push off unto his lieutenants. Third, nobody bumps into someone as often as you two have, without it being intentional. Kyouraku-san probably—”

 

Ichigo interrupts him by slapping a hand over his mouth, and Urahara blinks at him in surprise. “I don’t need all the details,” Ichigo mutters, embarrassed. Everything from his neck up feels like it’s burning, and he’s distantly aware that he must be as red as a lobster. There is a tiny, almost imperceptible spark of hope lighting up in his chest, under his thundering heart.

 

Urahara removes Ichigo’s hand and gently pats his head. “Understood. Let me get us some more tea, yeah?”

 

As he disappears into the kitchen, Ichigo curls his arms around his legs and rests his head on his knees. Urahara really thinks Kyouraku might be in lo— might be interested in him.

 

 _Urahara_ thinks Kyouraku might be interested in him. Urahara, who is the sharpest, most intelligent person Ichigo knows, and who can always see right through people, an ability Ichigo has never had. There is probably nobody in the world he trusts more, to both understand what is going on and to tell him the truth.

 

And Urahara believes Kyouraku is interested in _him_.

 

The sound of something banging open tears him out of his thoughts. Before he even realizes what is going on, Ichigo is on his feet with Shiro in hand. Then Shinji staggers through the door, haori still more red than white, and Ichigo takes a deep breath. No danger, only an idiot.

 

“You’re looking a little stiff, Shinji. I guess age is finally catching up with you,” Ichigo says sweetly.

 

“Shut up,” Shinji grumbles, sinking down on the other side of the table with a wince. “Ya know it’s yer fault.”

 

“Ah, but is it really?” Urahara interjects as he comes back into the room, carrying a tray and three cups. “If you hadn’t come here to blabber about secrets that weren’t yours, you wouldn’t have ended up in this situation in the first place. So can you actually blame Kurosaki-san?”

 

“I didn’t hear ya tryin’ ta stop me when we were talkin’ about this an hour ago.”

 

“I’ve realised the errors of my ways and asked for forgiveness,” Urahara counters easily. Ichigo can’t help laughing at the extremely unimpressed look on Shinji’s face. Then he nails him in the face with one of the pillows.

 

“What now?” Shinji splutters.

 

Ichigo raises a judging eyebrow and Shinji sighs deeply.

 

“Fine. I’m sorry. I know I shouldnt’a talked ta Kisuke without yer permission. I definitely won’t do it again, and I wouldn’t have done it with anyone besides Kisuke in the first place. I know ya trust ‘im.”

 

Both Urahara and Ichigo stare at him.

 

“That has to be the worst apology I’ve ever heard, but whatever. It’s not like I expected much from you. You’re forgiven, asshole, but if it happens again, I’ll beat you into the ground.”

 

Shinji snorts, but wisely doesn’t respond. Ichigo is tempted to take his cup of tea and pour it over that annoying, blonde head. Shaking his head, he turns towards Urahara instead. “I’m gonna go home now, I promised Yuzu we’d watch the new Disney movie tonight.”

 

“Take care and say hello to Yuzu-san and Karin-san,” Urahara says, smiling. Ichigo smiles back.

 

“I will.” And he turns to leave, but stops in the doorway, lingering uncertainly. Then he squares his shoulders and turns back around. “And thank you for the talk. It was — it was nice.”

 

Urahara looks surprised, before he smiles again. “Any time, Kurosaki-san.”

 

Leaving the Shouten in a series of lazy shunpos, Ichigo feels lighter and more at ease than he has in weeks. Maybe even since before he discovered his crush on Kyouraku. And it’s all from a single conversation with Urahara. Maybe there really was something about this whole ‘talk about your feelings’ thing.

 

 

\- xxx -

 

 

Of course, the next time Ichigo goes to Soul Society, giddy with the thought that _Kyouraku might actually be interested in him_ , someone has just fucked up spectacularly during a routine assignment out in Rukongai and everyone is pretty much drowning in paperwork. Nobody seems to have all the details when he asks, but from what Ichigo is able to piece together, someone made a rookie mistake and then panicked and made it ten times worse when they tried to fix it and almost all the 13 divisions somehow got involved in the cleanup. What is very clear is that there is an enormous amount of paperwork that needs to be completed, so Ichigo takes one look at a tired, haggard Shinji, and hightails it back to the world of the living. He cares about his friends and is normally happy to help, but there are limits, and this is one of them.

 

He devotes a few days to pestering Ishida and spending time with his sisters, in between visits to Hueco Mundo to fight Grimmjow, and by the time he decides that it should be safe to return to Seireitei, he feels pretty good — relaxed, recharged and ready for something to do.

 

Which does not include being completely _swamped_ as soon as he sets foot outside the senkaimon.

 

“Wha—” Ichigo splutters, before he’s rudely interrupted by a head to the chest. Hard.

 

“Ichigo, how could you not tell me about—”

 

“Move aside, Rukia, we also want to—”

 

“Rangiku-san, your chest is in the way—”

 

“Kurosaki-san, what is the story behind—”

 

“Ichigo-san, were you really on a—”

 

“Isane, Momo-san, please don’t—”

 

“Kurosaki-san, would it be possible to get your version of the—”

 

Ichigo has absolutely no idea what they are all referring to, but it is making him increasingly nervous. “Can someone please explain what is going on?” he exclaims, a little desperate.

 

“Everyone, please calm down,” he hears a second later. And surprisingly they do. The half a dozen women who have been almost hanging off him all take a step back, giving him a moment to try and identify the faces and maybe figure out _what the hell is happening_. But then someone else steps forward and Ichigo freezes in his tracks. Because there, standing a little behind the rest, is Ise Nanao, co-lieutenant of the 1st Division and leader of the Shinigami Women’s Association. He swallows.

 

“Ise-san,” he says politely.

 

She inclines her head minutely. “Kurosaki-san.”

 

A few seconds pass without her saying anything else, so Ichigo clears his throat and tries not to look like he wants to run away. “Is there anything I can help you with, Ise-san?”

 

“I believe there is, Kurosaki-san,” she replies calmly, but oh god, her smile is terrifying. It gets even worse when she reaches into her shihakusho and pulls out a picture. He can’t see it too well at this distance, but it looks suspiciously like—

 

“The Shinigami Women’s Association would like to get your official statement on this picture of you and Captain-Commander Kyouraku Shunsui, taken approximately a week ago, where you are wearing the Captain-Commander’s kimono while the two of you are walking around Seireitei.”

 

It is possibly the scariest sentence someone has ever said to Ichigo. Screw people threatening with dismemberment and death, this is infinitely worse. He looks from Ise to Rukia and Rangiku and Isane and Kiyone and Momo and Nemu and feels slightly faint.

 

Nope. He’s not dealing with this.

 

“Ask Kyouraku,” he wheezes, face burning. Then he calls on Shiro and shunpos away as quickly as humanly possible without activating his bankai. He’s gone before anyone can even open their mouth to protest.

 

If the Women’s Association has the picture, it is probably safe to assume it’s already been circulated in all the divisions and that basically everyone in the Gotei has seen it, from unseated officers to captains. Ichigo almost trips over thin air when the thought strikes him. Oh god. _Kyouraku_ has probably seen it. Considering he was the one who gave Ichigo the kimono in the first place, it shouldn’t be as embarrassing as it suddenly feels, but Ichigo has already changed directions. Yelling at Kyouraku will have to wait until another time. If all of the squads — and possibly most of Seireitei — has seen the photo, there is only one place to go. He pushes himself faster.

 

It’s child’s play to shunpo past the gates without anyone noticing him, and Ichigo has been sneaking in and out of enough windows over the years that he’s essentially an expert at this point. Byakuya looks supremely uninterested when Ichigo slips in through his window and throws himself face first on the couch. But it only lasts a few seconds.

 

“What are you doing in my office, Kurosaki?”

 

“Hiding,” Ichigo replies honestly, voice muffled by the cushions.

 

“And why are you hiding in _my_ office?” Ichigo can almost hear the annoyed frown.

 

“Because your sister is a menace,” he mumbles. He continues before Byakuya can find an appropriately scathing reply. “The Shinigami Women’s Association ambushed me as soon as I came out of the senkaimon, and I ran away. Your office is the safest place in Seireitei.”

 

That causes a thoughtful pause. “So I guess you know about the pictures, then?” Byakuya finally says. Ichigo jerks up to look at him.

 

“Did you say _pictures_? Not picture?” There’s still a chance he heard it wrong—

 

“Pictures, as in plural, yes.” Byakuya mercilessly snuffs out his glimmer of hope, and Ichigo grumbles as he faceplants back into the pillows.

 

“Goddammit. Okay, lay it on me; how fucked am I on a scale of ‘don’t read any newspapers’ to ‘hide in the living world for the rest of my life’?”

 

Byakuya sighs deeply, like this is some huge chore, which first of all — rude. Secondly, Byakuya doesn’t fool him for a second. They know each other far too well for Ichigo to even consider that Byakuya actually minds any of this. He just has to make it a Big Deal because he’s secretly a drama queen.

 

“The pictures were overlooked for a while because everyone was busy with the cleanup from the mission that went wrong,” Byakuya says, and Ichigo turns his head so he can glance at him. “But once that was finished, someone related to the Women’s Association stumbled across them and brought them to everyone’s attention. There have been several articles about them circulating for the past few days.”

 

Anything else he was going to say is interrupted by Ichigo’s muffled groan. “So basically every single shinigami in Seireitei knows about this,” Ichigo summarises.

 

“Yes,” Byakuya replies easily. “They don’t all care though, so do try and not be so dramatic.”

 

Byakuya is a bona fide hypocrite, but Ichigo has more important things to deal with right now than call him out on it. “They don’t care?”

 

“Despite what you may think, not everybody cares about you or every little thing you do just because you saved Soul Society a couple of times—” and Ichigo snickers silently, because who is being dramatic, and also because it never stops amusing him that some people think Byakuya actually is this much of an ass, “—and they have better things to do with their time than gossip about you.”

 

Ichigo waits a few seconds for him to continue. “And actual reasons people don’t care?” he prompts.

 

Byakuya shrugs, dropping the facade. “A lot of people are honestly not interested in gossiping, some people have too much respect for the Captain-Commander to gossip about him, and most don’t see what the fuss is about.”

 

That is ... surprisingly easy to believe and Ichigo sags in relief, because the thought of the whole of Seireitei talking about him had honestly made him more than a little panicked. Thinking about it rationally, it does make a lot of sense. Why would people be that interested in pictures of two guys hanging out, even if one of them is the Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13? But still—

 

“The Women’s Association seemed to care about it a great deal though,” he can’t help but point out. The expression Byakuya makes has Ichigo sitting upright on the couch in a flash. “ _Talk_ ,” he growls.

 

“The Shinigami Women’s Association is, obviously, made up of only women,” Byakuya says, then hesitates. “And women sometimes have more of an interest in … certain kind of matters than men.” Ichigo is tempted to ask what ‘certain kinds of matters’, but he has a sinking feeling that he knows exactly what Byakuya means. “And there are other women who also share that … certain kind of interest who—”

 

“Please stop talking,” Ichigo says desperately. Byakuya looks intensely relieved for a moment before he smooths out into his normal displeased expression.

 

“You were the one who—” he begins loftily, but Ichigo interrupts him again.

 

“Yes, and I’m sorry. Just, please don’t say anything else. I can’t believe I have shippers. This is a horrible revelation.” Byakuya looks confused, but Ichigo really can’t find it in himself to explain.

 

There are people in Seireitei who are shipping him and Kyouraku. Several of them are people he _knows_ , good friends, even. He isn’t sure he can ever look at Rukia again and not imagine her and Rangiku squealing over a picture of him and Kyouraku. Damn it all, he’s not sure he can ever look at _Kyouraku_ again and not picture the same thing. Ichigo groans and burrows back into Byakuya’s couch. At least now he understands what Yuzu and Rukia did together when she came to Karakura to visit, but he’s not sure if that is knowledge he really wants to have.

 

Goddammit, this is all Kyouraku’s fault, the bastard.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! ~~(Again!)~~ What did you think? I had originally planned for a Kisuke-Ichigo-talk in chapter 2 or 3, but that obviously didn't happen xD Better late than never though? I like Kisuke, I'm glad I got to include him after all<3 Which is true for Byakuya as well, because he was also supposed to make an appearance earlier in the fic, but then he ended up in this chapter too, haha.  
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed it, have any feelings you'd like to share, or if you'd like to scream with me about anything xD   
> Thanks for reading! \♡/


	6. 'cause darling, without you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a while, I honestly didn't think I was gonna make it it time, but here it is! Literally the day before I move overseas for the next year xD (Doing things last minute is a family-thing, I'm blaming it on genetics. Totally.)  
> The wonderful [Razia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Razia/pseuds/Razia) helped beta this chapter, as always (she's the best!) but it's a lot more rushed than my other chapters, so if you see any mistakes etc., either just tell me or ignore it x'D  
> Enjoy! (Hopefully!)

 

After the rather startling, and mildly disturbing, discovery in Byakuya’s office, Ichigo borrows Byakuya’s private senkaimon and goes back to Karakura. During the next family dinner he makes an impulsive decision to ask Yuzu about what shipping is really about, and is promptly treated to a two hour lecture with a PowerPoint presentation and lots of video examples. He isn’t sure why he’s surprised, because Yuzu is always prepared for anything and curious big brothers isn’t really that out there. But he is.

 

Karin’s comment on how that was a “brave question” right before Yuzu dragged him into her room though, made a lot of sense in hindsight.

 

So now Ichigo has a newfound understanding of both shipping culture and reasons people might enjoy it, also knowledge he isn’t sure he really wanted. He did know the basics, of course, because he did grow up with internet access, but Yuzu’s enthusiastic crash course had introduced doors he hadn’t known existed, and he’s pretty sure he can never look at either Rukia or Kyouraku again without his face catching on fire.

 

Which of course must be why Kyouraku sort of ambushes him the next time he goes to Soul Society, when Ichigo is busy avoiding everyone from the Shinigami Women’s Association. (How they manage to somehow be everywhere at once, Ichigo does not understand, but he’s not above suspecting black magic.)

 

After Kyouraku has deflected his first, knee-jerk attack — he has been through a lot of shit, okay, he can’t help his instincts, people really should have learned not to sneak up on him by now — Ichigo realizes who he’s actually looking at and instantly goes beet red.

 

“Kyouraku, _what are you doing?_ ” he squeaks, almost forgetting to sheath the sword in bewilderment. This is so not good for his heart. Ichigo hopes nobody back home will be surprised if he passes away before 30, because all this stress is definitely sending him to an early grave.

 

Kyouraku looks way too amused for someone who was just inches away from getting beheaded, but it’s probably because of Ichigo’s current flailing and not because of the almost murder. “Have you calmed down a little?” he asks, and that isn’t an answer to Ichigo’s question at all.

 

“I wish,” slips out before Ichigo can get his brain under control. It startles a laugh out of Kyouraku, but Ichigo is too busy panicking to pay it much attention.

 

“Stop thinking so much and listen to your feelings,” had been Urahara’s advice. That would have worked better if all of Ichigo’s feelings weren’t screaming at him to run away and hide. He is also absolutely certain he heard Rangiku’s voice just a few short minutes ago, so she could still be in the area. If he is seen with Kyouraku like this, lurking in an empty alley, he will never ever live it down. Time to ensure his continued survival.

 

“We’re leaving,” he hisses at Kyouraku, then impulsively grabs his arm to make sure he follows. He can’t be sure Kyouraku understands the dangers they are facing, but they are in treacherous waters and Ichigo is taking no chances at the moment.

 

Kyouraku keeps silent for about four seconds. “Where are we going?”

 

“ _Ssh!_ It’s not safe here,” Ichigo whispers fiercely, keeping an ear out for suspicious women's voices, while also trying to navigate deserted streets he is not familiar with. Maybe he’s overreacting a tiny bit, but he’s had enough of squealing women making very inappropriate comments to take any unnecessary risks at this point.

 

“Not safe from what?” Kyouraku asks, just as loud, and Ichigo pauses to glare at him. 

 

“The SWA!” At Kyouraku’s confused look, he elaborates, “The Shinigami Women’s Association! They’ve been pestering me since last week, and I’m trying to stay away from them, but they’re everywhere!” Then he takes another look around and realizes he has no idea where they are. Or where they were supposed to go, honestly. 

 

He startles when Kyouraku suddenly starts walking, and then startles even more when Kyouraku tugs on his hand to get him to follow, because since when have they _been holding hands?!_

 

“Is this about the pictures?” Kyouraku wonders, steering them through empty back streets without any hesitation. The question takes a little while to register, because Ichigo is trying to gently extract his hand without making it a big deal — he can’t get loose, Kyouraku won’t let go — before he snaps to full attention. 

 

“You know about the pictures?!”

 

“Sure I do. Nanao-chan asked me about them some days ago. I told her the kimono was for covering up your torn shihakusho.” 

 

Ichigo can’t believe what he’s hearing. “But then why are they still bothering _me_ about it?" 

 

“Women are relentless and you are an easier target,” Kyouraku replies smoothly, and Ichigo can hear the grin. “I am the Captain-Commander, after all.”

 

“You’re the one who gave it to me! It’s your kimono! I only wore it!” Ichigo protests.

 

“I don’t make the rules, handsome, I just follow them.” 

 

There’s that word again, all easy and casual, like Kyouraku has no idea about the effect it has on Ichigo. And damn it, Ichigo wishes he could say it didn’t affect him and mean it. Alas, he can’t. 

 

“This is still entirely unfair. I can’t believe they left you alone just like that, while they still chase me around at every opportunity. It’s been a whole week! At least they’re not all ganging up on me anymore, but I’m starting to regret coming back at all.”

 

“Speaking of which, how did you get away the first time? I know from experience how ... stubborn the Women’s Association can be. I’m a little surprised you managed to escape them.” 

 

“I hid in Byakuya’s office and he let me use his personal senkaimon to go home,” Ichigo admits. Kyouraku bursts out laughing, and it feels nice, just a little, to be the one that did that. They are still moving through mostly tiny back alleys and Ichigo has no idea where they are headed, but the houses seem to be getting more sparse, so he assumes they’ve been heading away from the city center, which suits him just fine. The less people the better, in any case. 

 

“Sounds exactly like Byakuya. How long is he going to act like he wouldn’t turn over heaven and hell for you, do you think? Again, that is. He has to know that he isn’t fooling anyone.” 

Ichigo shrugs and grins. “However long he thinks he still gotta keep up that calm, noble facade. I don’t get why he bothers anymore, because everyone knows better by now. But whatever makes him feel better, I guess. He’s super stubborn after all.” 

 

“He’s not the only stubborn one around here,” Kyouraku says, glancing back at him with raised eyebrows, and Ichigo raises a hand in surrender. (He can’t believe Kyouraku is still holding the other one.) 

 

“Hey, I’ve never denied that! Besides, I'd say my stubbornness has come in handy quite a few times over the years. You know, dealing with Aizen and Yhwach and—” 

 

“Yes, yes, your inability to accept the limits of reality has been very helpful,” Kyouraku cuts him off. Ichigo can’t decide if that’s a compliment or an insult, but Kyouraku continues before he has a chance to reply anyway. “And we are very grateful for it. You are the best thing that has happened to Soul Society in centuries, Ichigo. I hope you know that.” 

 

And just, _what is that_. Kyouraku sounds stupidly sincere about it too, not a trace of his usual lighthearted tone, and Ichigo has no idea how to react to this turn of events at all.

 

“Please don’t say that,” he groans. This whole saving-all-three-worlds-business would be so much easier if people would just let him defeat the bad guys and then leave him alone. Whatever rewards and gratitude they keep trying to push on him afterwards only makes it awkward for everyone all around. 

 

“Why?” Kyouraku wonders, and it’s probably a reasonable question, but Ichigo has never known how to gracefully accept praise, and he’s apparently not going to start with it now either. He can feel his face heating up. 

 

“Because I said so,” he grumbles. Which of course prompts Kyouraku to turn around and peer at him. 

 

“You’re looking a little red in the cheeks there, Ichigo-chan. Feeling embarrassed, are we?” 

 

It’s just the tiniest bit tempting to punch Kyouraku in his stupid, handsome, annoying face. “Shut up. Don’t look.” 

 

“But you are so cute,” Kyouraku coos, and Ichigo slaps at the hand reaching for his face, scowling half-heartedly. At least if his cheeks are already red, Kyouraku can’t tell he made Ichigo blush harder. Hopefully? 

 

“You’re a menace,” he says flatly, which is nothing but the truth. Kyouraku is the reason puberty finally caught up with Ichigo, years late, and that alone should have been enough to have Kyouraku up there on the list together with Yhwach and Aizen. Sadly, Ichigo is just a bit pathetically in love with the idiot, so he doesn’t even mind too much. It’s truly pitiful.

 

“Now now, Ichigo-chan. You should treat your elders with honour and respect, you know," Kyouraku chides mock-seriously.

 

Ichigo snorts. “I will when there are elders around to respect.”

 

“What am I, then?” 

 

“You are just old."

 

Kyouraku clutches at his chest. “Why are you so mean to me, Ichigo-chan? You are really hurting my feelings.”

 

“That would require you having feelings to hurt in the first place," Ichigo shoots back, grinning, but he's completely unprepared for the way he is suddenly tugged forward, stumbling and off balance. Kyouraku has him under his arm in a moment.

 

"Bad kids get punished, Ichigo-chan," he sing-songs, then proceeds to grind his fist down into his hair. 

 

_A noogie?!_

 

Ichigo doesn't have the mental capacity to do anything except flail wildly for several seconds, completely overwhelmed by both the ridiculousness of the situation and the sudden proximity to Kyouraku. It's a little terrifying how feeling himself pressed against Kyouraku's warmth is capable of short-circuiting most of his brain. 

 

"What are you _doing_?" Ichigo finally manages, as he tries to get some leverage to twist himself away. Kyouraku just tuts at him. 

 

"Be a good boy and stay still. We're almost there." Where 'there' is, Ichigo has no idea, but he isn't given the time to wonder about it either, because Kyouraku steps forward into a smooth shunpo with Ichigo's head still under his arm, so Ichigo has no choice but to try and keep up or get dragged by his neck. 

 

He somehow manages to keep pace. 

 

When Kyouraku stops again, it's on soft green grass. Ichigo has a glimpse of something shimmering, several trees, and more grass stretching in every direction before he's let go, falling in a graceless heap on the ground. He stays down. 

 

Something pokes him in the side after a few moments. "You alive, Ichigo-chan?" 

 

"No thanks to you," he grumbles, pushing away the offending finger stabbing him in the ribs. His head is spinning after the 90 degree angle shunpo and the grass is surprisingly cool and pleasant to lie on. "Go away. I'm staying here." 

 

Kyouraku chuckles. "It's nice, isn't it? I come here to relax all the time." 

 

"To skip work, you mean," Ichigo mumbles. He unfurls to lie fully on his back, eyes closed, feeling the sun on his face. It really is nice. He cracks one eye open when there’s sounds of shifting and shuffling to see Kyouraku settling down next to him, leaning back on his hands and legs crossed in front of him. His hat is discarded off to the side. “Using me to avoid work again?” 

 

“Nope, I would have skipped work today anyway. You were just a random struck of luck.” 

 

Ichigo’s heart is particularly weak to that one grin Kyouraku is currently flashing at him so he closes his eyes again to avoid it. He’s had enough heart-racing and blushing today for the next decade, at least. How do people even make it to adulthood if this is what they go through in their teenage years? His own adolescence of fighting hollows and supernatural dictators is seeming more and more like the better deal. 

 

His thoughts are rudely interrupted when something skims across his hair, and Ichigo quickly looks up only to meet Kyouraku’s gaze straight on, one hand still hovering right over his hair. His heart does a whole acrobatic routine. “What are you doing?” he asks, trying — and probably failing — to sound calm and unaffected. 

 

“Checking to see if your hair feels as spiky as it looks,” Kyouraku says — actually calm and unaffected, the bastard — and it startles a snort out of Ichigo. 

 

“Weirdo. Whatever, knock yourself out. Just know that I’ve raised two young girls and we are very picky about our products. My hair is soft, smooth and moisturised, thank you very much. I just can’t help the way it grows.” 

 

It’s not until he spots the widening smile that Ichigo realizes he basically invited Kyouraku to do whatever he wants to his hair. 

 

“Well, since you so gracefully gave me permission,” Kyouraku says cheerily, and Ichigo closes his eyes, readying himself for whatever Kyouraku is going to do. The first touch is a little jarring, just because he’s aware that it is Kyouraku’s hand touching him this time. But it doesn’t last long. 

 

After a few careful strokes, Kyouraku wastes no time in digging his fingers in, scratching them across the scalp, and Ichigo almost moans because _gods_ that feels good. The longer it lasts, the more Ichigo can feel himself melting into the ground, muscles just giving up. He needs this to continue forever. 

 

How long Kyouraku does keep it up, Ichigo has no idea. What he does know is that he wakes up, warm and groggy and confused, an indefinite amount of time later, having no idea when he fell asleep. There’s something firm under his cheek and something draped over him that rustles when he shifts a little. 

 

“Finally awake, Ichigo-chan?” someone mutters, and Ichigo blinks his eyes open to see solid black. His brain does a few false starts before it finally comes back online and he snaps his head around to look into Kyouraku’s amused gaze above him. It takes him a second to really register that. Then everything clicks into place and Ichigo realizes with horror that he’s lying with his head in _Kyouraku’s lap_ and that it’s _Kyouraku’s kimono_ that’s spread out over him like a blanket. 

 

Fuck his life. 

 

“Why?” he groans, grabbing the edges of the kimono to pull completely over his head as he shifts off Kyouraku’s lap ( _lap!_ ) to curl up on the ground. “Spare us both the suffering and end me now.” 

 

Kyouraku laughs, loud and long, and wow, look at that, looks like Ichigo does have some space for feelings other than crippling embarrassment right now. Who knew. 

 

“Come on now, Ichigo-chan, it can’t be that bad. What’s wrong?” 

 

“Can’t be that bad?” Ichigo repeats, muffled under the cloth. “I apparently decided to take a nap _on_ you _and_ used your kimono as a blanket, how’s that for ‘not that bad’?” 

 

A soft chuckle precedes the hand stroking down his back, strong and warm, making Ichigo fight back a shiver. “Both the lap and the kimono were willingly offered up by the owner to let you rest more comfortably,” Kyouraku points out reasonably. “And you are still using said kimono as a blanket right now.” 

 

Goddamn Kyouraku and his logic, Ichigo curses silently. “That doesn’t count, and it doesn’t make me feel any better,” he grumbles. He just woke up and learned he’d slept on Kyouraku’s lap — he deserves a tiny freak-out. 

 

“You’re such a drama queen,” Kyouraku laughs above him and Ichigo’s indignant comeback of how he is _not_ is interrupted when Kyouraku suddenly snatches the kimono back. “There you are, Ichigo-chan” he coos, grinning down at him. 

 

Oh god. 

 

“Leave me alone,” he whines, burrowing into his arms now that his cover has been stolen. Considering how his ears are burning, he can only imagine how the rest of him looks. 

 

“And miss looking at your pretty face all red and blushing? I don’t think so.” 

 

 _Oh god_. 

 

“Please shut up,” Ichigo says weakly. Any more of this and he’ll be forced to shunpo the hell out of here for his own sanity, because he can’t take this. He will literally combust. 

 

“Why?” Kyouraku wonders, and how is Ichigo supposed to answer that? Tell him he’s pushing Ichigo towards an early death as the only shinigami ever to die of a heart attack? Yeah, no. 

 

“Because it’s embarrassing to listen to you,” should be safe. 

 

“What is embarrassing?” 

 

Apparently not. “You spouting bullshit like pretty face and whatnot,” he snaps. His face is going to be stuck as fire-truck red for the rest of his — presumably short — life at this rate. 

 

“I am serious though.” There’s a fleeting touch to his hair, there and gone again in a second. “You are beautiful, Ichigo.” 

 

That is more than enough to have Ichigo snapping his head up to look at him, red face be damned. Kyouraku seems completely sincere as Ichigo gapes at him, absolutely shocked silly.

 

“Oh my god, you can’t just say things like that, people will misunderstand,” he blurts out, frantically.

 

Kyouraku is not on board at all. “Misunderstand what?” he asks. Ichigo flounders. 

 

“That you might be f-flirting with me or something—” 

 

“Who says that would be a misunderstanding?” Kyouraku cuts him off, eyes dark, and that is just, that is too much, because that implies—

 

Ichigo has his mask summoned and is halfway across Seireitei before he’s even aware of moving. He zooms through the senkaimon too fast to be seen and heads straight for the Shouten without conscious thoughts. Urahara looks mildly surprised when Ichigo bursts through the door, then rather concerned as he takes in the hollow mask and Ichigo’s fluctuating reiatsu. He is on his feet in a second. 

 

“Kurosaki-san. Is everything okay?” 

 

Ichigo lets the mask crumble to the ground as he tries to gather enough brainpower to form a coherent sentence. “He does,” he finally manages. 

 

“Who does what?” Urahara asks, blinking. 

 

Whatever his expression under the mask is, it makes both of Urahara’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline as Ichigo struggles to talk past the heart beating in his throat. “Kyouraku.” 

 

He meets Urahara’s gaze, suddenly desperate to be understood. “I think he does. What you said. Kyouraku.” He stops, breathes, tries not to panic. “ _What do I do?_ ”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. That's it for this time! I really am sorry for leaving on a cliffhanger like that, but it was the only ending that felt natural to me. Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do xD  
> As for going overseas - I am leaving for China tomorrow (20th of August) and will be studying there for a year. That does not mean I'm gonna leave this story for a year, but I will have a lot less time to write, especially the first few weeks (my crippling social anxiety is going to make sharing a dorm very interesting ...) Anyway! So that's what happening. I just wanted to let you guys know so you don't think I've abandoned the story if I'm super-quiet for a while. I haven't! Just ... trying to survive in another country, y'know x'D \^-^/  
> Also, I actually did put this story on hiatus for a while, because I just couldn't keep stressing about it any longer and I really needed a break. (I'd been stressing about forcing myself to write and updates and all that jazz since the beginning of January - wasn't having a very healthy impact on my life at all.) And I went back to my other Bleach-fic (the first one, actually, but I left it for a long while after I started writing this one xD) and it was _so. nice_. I completely rewrote the first two parts, out of 4, before I got stuck halfway through the third part, and guess what happened - I went back to this story because that was easier than figuring out how to fix the problem in the other fic x'D ... ~~sobs~~  
>  ANYWAY. That's the end of this unnecessarily long AN, and would be awesome if you left a comment/kudos if you liked the chapter <3  
> TAKE CARE Y'All \O/


End file.
